Don't Do Your Cornhole Around Here, Boy
08.28.04 (7:18 pm) [edit]Get your ass over to radiokeneally.com right now. Goddamn, I love it.
We've been trying to get out on the weekends and do fun family stuff. There's tons of things in our area to do, lots of great state and county parks, etc. A few weeks ago we went to Ft. Ancient, a 2000-year old earthworks built by the Hopewell Indians overlooking the Little Miami River. This shit is 15 minutes away! I grew up in the middle of a fuckin' cornfield in Buttlick, Indiana surrounded by people who think Mounds is a goddamn candy bar. If you stand on top of your car, you might be able to see for twelve miles. It's flat as fuck there. Actually, when I go home now, (like I'm going to next weekend) I've learned a certain weird appreciation for the shithol..er, I mean place I grew up. It's kinda neat in a...uh...OK, maybe not. But I don't mind it now. Southwest Ohio is certainly not one of the wonders of the world (though I'm definitely wondering how the fuck my town's "heritage festival" suddenly came to spawn an American Idol ripoff/contest, and you can bet I ain't going out THERE tonight. I'm trying to reject evil in all forms, it's my way of showing my eternal undying love for Jesus and stuff) but we've got things that kinda look like hills (my wife will laugh now) and the areas along the rivers can be rather beautiful, and Indians built cool shit here before we white folk came along and gave them smallpox and killed them and stuff, so it's pretty nifty. I wish I could drive 15 minutes one way to this stuff and 15 minutes in the other direction and see the California desert (which *I* love, goddammit) but hey, you can't have everything. Where would you put it?
So we went to a county park today. Which was what I was going to say before I wrote all that other shit. Sheryl found out that it had a petting zoo, so with the promise of animals for Katie to enjoy, we drove off into the sunset. Well, down I-275. When we got there, we found that the park had been taken over for the day by a Christian music festival. We went in anyway. Katie got to see animals (watching her following a goat around and petting him was rather cute) and we played in the "playbarn" which was full of climbing and sliding and stuff and most the kids were three times bigger than Katie but she had a great time anyway once she got into it.
Outside, one was assaulted (or should I say, bored to fuck by) a non-variety of live "Christian rock" music, coming at you from two directions because they had two stages. Just to share the love, I guess. When I was a Jeezo-junkie fifteen years ago, it was fairly obvious that Christians were for the most part incapable of writing rock music that wasn't wholly dependant on stealing ideas from that evil "secular" rock that was of course, the devil's music, but Satan got there first and so let's steal his tunes and write God lyrics. THERE'S a great way of serving out Lord! I mean, fuck that J.S. Bach guy and his brilliantly conceived works made in service to God, what the fuck did HE know?
But there were exceptions, and 80s God-rock suddenly sounds pretty good to me compared to this current shit. And I don't care if you worship Mickey Mantle's underpants, you really need to hear some Phil Keaggy. Still one of the finest guitarists I've heard anywhere, Phil is often a bit too mellow for his own good these days (though I've got recent bootlegs that kick ass. In a loving Christian way, of course.) but at his best, he's a fabulous player, singer, and writer and my idea of "Christian rock." Look him up. He sure beats the crap out of the lame-ass copy-of-Creed-doing-a-cop y-of-Pearl-Jam shit I heard this afternoon. The Wonderbread wonders in question (I dont know the name of the band, and I hardly give two fucks) closed their show with some kind of generic Jeezo-hymn that apparantly was about the Holy Spirit coming to fill this place. I think that's what it was about anyway, seeing as how they said it about 47,000 times. And they must really be into the Holy Spirit and the concept of the Trinity, because they sure couldn't be bothered to find a fourth CHORD to play. Jesus Chr...oh, just forget it.
But really, we had a nice time and people seemed to be more into the bad food and the cute animals and stuff. Katie was one pooped-out little booger afterwards and got a nice nap. And I listened to Robin Trower while making a stir-fry for dinner, so I barely even rememebr the Jesus music. Not like you could remember it four seconds after it was done anyway.
(To be fair, one of my students is a huge Jars Of Clay fan, and while a little of it goes a long way, they've proven to be an enjoyable way of spending guitar lessons. Nice chord voicings and stuff.)
I did a blood test last week and got the results back a few days ago. Looks like my cholesterol levels have dropped into the good range for the first time in the three years we've been checking. Triglycerates are lower than before as well, though still a bit too high. Not a big deal though, and significantly lower than a couple years ago. The main reason for the test was to check my lithium levels. My little happy-drug can fuck me up if I have too much of it. But the levels were actually a bit low, probably because I'm sometimes bad about my second dose at night. I think the shit is working fairly well, but I've still had a shitty week, and I spent most of last night wondering if every single atom in the fucking universe wasn't corrupted by the stain of Satan's evil. But at least I wasn't SURE of it. That's an improvement. No, really it is.
Looks like the "controversy" over John Kerry's Vietnam service is finally dying down. And it makes me sad. Sad to know that now our shitty excuse for a news media has to find something else to distract us from reality with. Sad that this couldn't be as effective as Bill Clinton's Cock at wasting months of our time with trivial bullshit that has no true bearing on where our country is at and is headed. Sad that we might have to actually notice people dying in Iraq instead of arguing about how many yards Kerry was from Cambodia 35-years ago. Because THAT'S the shit we need to hear. And hey, didja know that Tommy Hilfiger has a new reality show coming out? Ain't that GREAT! It was on the news! Because it IS news! It's really fucking important news! Oh, by the way, five guys got killed in Iraq. But Tommy Hilfiger has a reality show! God bless America!
I think the Christians are right. We're going to Hell.
Another of my fun hobbies this week has been reading about cocaine smuggling. Yeah, I'm a real renaissance kinda guy. I saw a two hour show on the History Channel about Pablo Escobar, everybody's favorite Colombian drug lord. The show was based on a book by Mark Bowden called Killing Pablo. This is the same guy who wrote Black Hawk Down, by the way. I found Killing Pablo in the bargain section of a bookstore for five bucks a couple days after seeing the show. This is not normally my idea of light reading, I might have watched Miami Vice maybe twice in my life, I think Coke is the other thing I drink besides Pepsi when I want too much sugar and caffeine, and it's been long enough since my geography class that I thought Columbia was where Peru is and vice versa. So I didn't know shit about any of this until this week. Everybody else has probably read it already, for all I know.
But man, what a bad guy. Pablo was an evil sonofabitch. And the story of how his country developed in the last century, how he manipulated public opinion to the point of even being a congressman for a short time, and what happened to anyone who got in his way (the motherfucker killed 11 members of the country's supreme court, for fuck's sake) just fascinates the fuck out of me. Not to mention the US involvement in bringing him down, and the "death squads" that used his own tactics against him. It's a fucked-up story. I'm not quite halfway through the book right now, so I'm still enjoying having the story fleshed out beyond what the TV show could do.
Well, Radio Keneally is still kicking my ass. Y'all have a good one, y'here?
Love,
Dougie
I'm Afraid Of Americans
08.15.04 (3:28 pm) [edit]Good Bowie tune, I thought.
I spent three hours last night listening to the CDs of Bill Maher's book When You Ride Alone, You Ride With Bin Laden. I recommend it to everyone. What I love about it is that, like Maher's stuff most of the time, there's something in there to piss off everyone. I found a few things myself, but overall, I found it absolutely compelling and enjoyable. Lots of stuff to think about.
I've just been reading about Shrub's appearance on Larry King a few nights ago. Let us explore some of our President's comments:
"The world's safer. Libya's no longer a threat. Pakistan is an ally in the war on terror."
Wow. That makes me feel a lot safer. I mean, the whole reason I've been having problems going to sleep at night was because I was terrified of Libya and their enormous threat to my security. I mean, fuck those people who came over and attacked us who were from, oh, I don't know, Saudi Arabia, I was just really concerned about Lybia. And I'm really glad that Pakistan is our ally now, instead of, you know, quite probably the place where Bin Laden is hiding.
Of John Kerry's proposed plan to *maybe* start bringing troops home from Iraq six months after he enters office (which he's pretty clearly stated is a timeline that cannot be set in stone) Bush says: "That says to the enemy, 'Wait for six months and one day,' or it says to the Iraqis, 'The Americans aren't serious,'"
Hmm. I thought it might actually be saying "Let's start getting this shit over with", or maybe "Hey soldiers, you can see your families now.", or maybe perhaps "Goodbye, Iraq. We're done, and now you can have your country back for real this time." I mean, maybe not in six months, but it would be kinda nice to say that eventually. I find it interesting that Bush considers this Kerry plan to be a message to "the enemy", seeing as how the enemy, oh, I don't know, weren't actually in Iraq in the first place. But at least that bad evil man Hussein is gone, because he was such a threat to...uh...not us.
Then he goes on to the fun topic of gay marriage and whether or not states should allow "civil unions", that lovely term that means virtually nothing. "That's up to states," Bush said. "If they want to provide legal protections for gays, that's great. That's fine. But I do not want to change the definition of marriage. I don't think our country should."
Let's take a look at Merriam-Webster for a moment:
Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: 'mer-ij, 'ma-rij
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3 : an intimate or close union
Hmm, seems to me that the only people concerned with "changing the defintion of marriage" are people who, oh, I don't know, can't fucking READ.
"I believe the American people know my style of leadership, they know what to expect..."
Yes, and that's what scares some of us, George.
And Bush's answer to "independant television ads", such as the "Swift Boat" attacks on Kerry?
"They've said some bad things about me. I guess they're saying bad things about him. And what I think we ought to do is not have them on the air," he said.
Well, that sounds like a great idea to me, George. Let's get our FCC on that right away. They've already done such a smashing job of keeping Jackson family tits from ever harming us again, let's give them a shot at censoring political ads that either don't support you, or that do but you don't get to control. Free speech? Ah, who the fuck needs it. But while you're at it, George, do me a favor and ask them if they can ban Bob Costas from talking over the opening ceremony of the Olympics next time. Christ, that guy is an annoying goofball. Kinda like...well, let's move on...
"Senator Kerry is justifiably proud of his record in Vietnam and should be. It's noble service," Bush said. "The question is who can best lead the country in a time of war. That's really what the debate ought to be about. And I think it's me, because I understand the stakes."
Well, that sorta IS what the debate is about, and exactly what ARE the stakes, George? If we don't elect you, then maybe some other country that doesn't actually have a lot to do with al-Queda won't be bombed to fuck by our fascinating new policy of preemptive war? Maybe Bin Laden will still not be caught like he hasn't been yet? Hell, I don't know, maybe Saddam Hussein will get a fair trial on national TV and get to call you and your Daddy a couple of poopieheads in front of the whole world. Or maybe, just maybe, we won't be able to have SUVs anymore. And then of course, the terrorists win.
As far as the "anger" of American voters, "I think there may be handfuls of people that are very emotional, but I think by far the vast majority of Americans are wanting to know whether they're going to be able to work and whether or not the government's doing its job of protecting the country," he said. "I don't have a sense there's a lot of anger."
Then maybe you aren't listening to those of us who ARE angry, because we DON'T know, in fact, we're pretty sure you're NOT protecting us, our jobs, or anything other than your fucking stupid ASS, you piece of shit. How's that for anger? Ya want some anger? FUCK you, you clueless sack of rancid fuckmeat.
Did I get my point across?
Love,
Dougie
PS I obviously stole parts of this post from the CNN and Merriam-Webster websites. There, ya happy?
Return Of The Son Of Hydrogen
08.11.04 (8:43 pm) [edit]I know a lot of other people are pointing this out, but I figure one more asshole saying so ain't gonna hurt, and I'm just the asshole for the job.
Can anyone tell me how the fuck Republicans feel justified airing attacks on John Kerry's service in Vietnam when President Shrub didn't even show up for Guard duty? I'm in fucking awe at the hypocrisy here. These assfucks have NO business questioning Kerry's record as long as Bush is in office. They've been doing it for months, but this Swift Boat commercial bullshit is utterly amazing in its nerve.
I made the mistake of catching about 20 seconds of Sean Hannity talking about this shit a couple nights ago. Of course, 20 seconds has been all I could ever take of that stupid dildo-headed prickfuck. Can somebody explain something else to me? How can somebody who can't even READ the news get his own TV show where he gets to TALK about the news? I feel less like throwing things at the wall while watching BUSH spew his ignorant horseshit than I do when I see this shitmeister Hannity open his goddamn mouth. Does he let Ann Coulter tie him up and fuck him in the ass on a regular basis? 'Cause you just know she has a bigger dick than he does. Fuckin' scary. I can see it now:
"Take my big thick cock in your ass, Sean! Take it!"
"Yes, Master Ann! Yes! I'll never question your masculinity again!"
"I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, Sean! Your pathetic weasel ass is mine!"
OK, I'm gonna go throw up now.
Here's another classic Bush quote:
"Never again in the halls of Washington DC do I want to have to make explanations that I can't explain."
I keep telling myself I'm going to write about other stuff here and leave politics alone for a while, but goddamn it, these people keep me busy.
Dougie
Hydrogen
08.07.04 (4:08 pm) [edit]I've been flipping through one of the "Bushisms" books, a collection of stupid shit our President says. Some of these are just silly, some are scary. You might have read some of these before. In the interest of entertainment, here's a few good ones:
"More and more of our imports come from overseas."
"I think war is a dangerous place."
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
And my current favorite:
"There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all...I can't think of anything more deep than that right."
What the FUCK drug is he on?
Love,
Dougie
PS I would have dedicated today's entry instead to quotes from the Ann Coulter book I was looking through at the library today, but it made me too fucking PISSED.
Why Does This Not Surprise Me?
08.06.04 (12:41 pm) [edit]Stolen from the Yahoo news pages:
MEMPHIS, Tenn. - An unabashed racist will represent the Republican party in the November election for a congressional seat after a write-in candidate failed to derail his effort.
With 86 percent of the primary vote counted Thursday, write-in candidate Dennis Bertrand had just 1,554 votes compared to 7,671, or 83 percent, for James L. Hart, a believer in the discredited, phony science of eugenics.
In November, the GOP candidate will oppose Rep. John Tanner (news, bio, voting record), a Democrat who has represented the northwest Tennessee district for 15 years.
Hart, 60, vows if elected to work toward keeping "less favored races" from reproducing or immigrating to the United States. In campaign literature, Hart contends that "poverty genes" threaten to turn the United States into "one big Detroit."
"I didn't expect to win," Hart said. "I thought their network would beat my ideas." He has run for the 8th District seat before and drawn little attention. But people began to notice this time because he was the only Republican on the ballot.
Since the deadline for getting on the ballot had passed, Bertrand, also a Republican, began a write-in campaign, saying he wanted to protect the party's honor. "I think his beliefs are not beliefs of any party that I know of," Bertrand said Thursday night. "I knew it was going to be a really long shot, but in good conscience, I had to at least give it an attempt." Bertrand, a financial analyst and former military officer, was on active duty with the National Guard when the deadline to get on the primary ballot passed.
Hart said he will have lots of time to campaign for the general election since he was forced Wednesday to resign from his job as a real estate salesman because of the attention he drew during the primary. "They didn't say 'You're fired' in exactly those words, but it was pretty clear what they wanted," Hart said.
While campaigning, Hart sometimes wears a protective vest and carries a .40-caliber pistol, but he said he has run into no trouble. "When I knock on a door and say white children deserve the same rights as everybody else, the enthusiastic response is truly amazing," he said.
If a black person opens the door, he says he simply drops off campaign literature and leaves.
Observations:
1. I know *I* always feel safer when there's people running around campaigning for office who not only are idiots, but are carrying GUNS.
2. This is a great nation, and we should allow for as much diversity of opinion as possible, and should not hinder the right of even truly distasteful and ignorant people to run for pulbic office. After all, look at who's President. That said, I think we should institute a three strikes policy. Anyone who is plainly a frothing lunatic idiot asshole should recieve three strikes to the head with a large metal object. If he can get up and walk afterwards, we let him continue his campaign.
3. I didn't realize real estate companies not-really-fired people for any reason other than, say, shitting in a client's pool four seconds before the prospective buyers showed up. Interesting.
4. You'll note that the Republican Party, who in no way ever promotes the ideas of racism (Dennis Bertrand says so, after all. And stop that silly "Who the fuck is Dennis Bertrand?" shit, because hey, we know he's telling the truth.) are apparantly the only people who will take this guy. Yes, boys and girls, John Ashcroft couldn't beat a dead man in an election, and the Republicans love him. So James Hart has picked a mighty fine home.
5. I'm really shocked that people in Tennessee actually respond with such enthusiasm to the idea that "white children deserve the same rights as everybody else." It must be really tough to get white people behind an idea like that, especially since it's such an outrageous thought, one that's surely never been tried before in this country, or even, you know, kinda been the way we actually do things. After all, you can see that white children everywhere are living in ghettos and becoming crack addicts at age four, yet hordes of black children are sitting in Starbucks, reading Shakespeare, and being groomed to become CEOs and senators. If we don't stop this trend, white children might soon make up less than 90% of the children in this country, for fuck's sake, and that shit just ain't right.
6. I thought I knew a lot about The Last Days, having read the collected works of Hal Lindsay dozens of times (I keep a copy of each of his books by the toilet, just so I can have something inspirational to read while I'm dropping some holy fucking shit into the bowl) but I don't remember the Book Of Revelation talking about The Beast infecting the souls of men with "poverty genes", whatever the fuck THOSE are, and I could have sworn that the ultimate resting place of sinfulness was called Hell, and not Detroit. Now granted, I'm sure Satan tortures some of his prey with pollution and stolen handguns, but I really just can't believe that "one big Detroit" is QUITE as bad as this guys seems to think, because even if Fords do suck, at least you've got a fuckin' car.
7. I thought "less-favored races" meant shit like Formula One. I learn something new every day! Thank you, James Hart!
8. Some people are really fucking stupid.
Love, Dougie