There's Nothing To Fear
10.30.04 (4:30 pm) [edit]It's 20 years old, but one of my favorite Oingo Boingo songs seems to fit well into these final months of this foul year of Our Lord 2004. Take it away, Mr. Elfman:
Hey neighbor let me give you some advice
The Russians are about to pulverize us
In our sleep tonight
That is if the crazy Arabs
Or the riots don’t get us first
And the fire will rain down from the sky
The fire will rain down from the sky
People will die--people will die
People will die--people will die
But go ahead sleep tight in your beds
Remember what the wise man said
There’s nothing to fear nothing to fear
There’s nothing to fear (but fear itself)
And the temperature’s starting to drop now
The temperature’s starting to drop now . . .
Hey little girl won’t you come this way
Won’t you let me buy you candy or perhaps a chocolate shake
Or perhaps some nice cocaine or perhaps a little kiss
Or perhaps a ride in my big car
Perhaps a ride in my big car
Won’t you make an old man happy
Won’t you make an old man happy
Won’t you let me show you paradise
(don’t ask your mother for advice)
Chorus
If they don’t turn you into a junkie or a zombie on the street
If they don’t turn you into a yo-cat or a grinning Jesus freak
If they don’t take away your brains or turn your body inside out
If they don’t take away your passion with a color tv set
They’ll take away your heart and soul
They’ll take away your heart and soul
They’ll take away your heart and soul
Don’t let them take away your heart and soul
But remember what the wise man said
There's nothing to fear...
How To Annoy Republicans
10.29.04 (4:03 pm) [edit]I've got a great little party trick (or, I guess you'd say "poll trick") for all you un-American liberal freedom-haters voting for John Kerry in a few days. Or maybe even if you're a Republican with a sense of humour, since I'm sure there's at least three or four of you left out there.
When you go to the polling place, if there's a particularly long line, take a copy of the Koran with you to stand in line with. Read it in line. Look very intrigued by it. Sometimes mutter under your breth, "Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought about that..." If you come to a really good part (or even a lame part, who is going to know, after all) point your finger up and say "I'll be damned! He's right!" After a while, pull a yellow highlighter out of your pocket and start saving the good stuff. Maybe have a little notebook to scrawl into for later reference. And when you finally get to the end of the line, hand your copy of the Koran to the person behind you (who hopefully you have never seen in your life) and say, "Cover me." And RUN to the voting machine. Make your choices quickly as possible, scream "Allah be praised!" at the top of your lungs, and GET THE FUCK OUT. Look over your shoulder a lot as you run to your vehicle.
Come on kids, it's fun!
Love,
Abdul
Paper, Paper Everywhere, And Not A Drop Of Ink
10.21.04 (1:44 pm) [edit]Somebody explain something to me: WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO VOTE ON A PAPER BALLOT?
I keep reading about all these studies about the voting system in this country, and the ramifications of electronic voting, and yadda yadda fucking boo hoo shittyfuck cunt fuck. It's insane. It's ABSURD. Anyone who OWNS a computer (like, I assume, a couple of you reading this perhaps) knows that computers are BIG FUCK-UP MACHINES. The richest man on the planet is into computers, yet I still have Windows ME lock up on me every four seconds. If you get to make that much money off them, MAKE THEM FUCKING WORK PROPERLY, YOU ASSFUCKS! FUCK Bill Gates, and fuck computers when it comes to an election.
Anyone who thinks electronic voting is a good idea is out of their fucking minds. And these goddamn chads, what the fuck are THEY about? Hell, I never got the older machines with the damn levers. What's the point? GET A PIECE OF FUCKING PAPER.
It's supposed to be more convenient. It isn't. Nothing in this country is when it's supposed to be. All the things that make our lives more "convenient" end up being a huge pain in the ass. And since when did "convenience" become an issue in an election that determines who's going to be THE GODDAMN LEADER OF THIS COUNTRY? You know what? FUCK your convenience. Fuck your schedule. Either stand in line all day with a fucking ballpoint pen, or do what I'm going to do this year and mail in an absentee ballot. You know, those things that are on PAPER. How fucking long does it take to CHECK A BOX? Anyone with HANDS can handle this difficult procedure. You do't need computers or other machines, you need a PEN. If the pen doesn't work, buy another one. This shit is serious. There's no time for fucking around and playing with the process. We're picking the PRESIDENT, not shopping for Britney CDs on Amazon, you fuckheads. We don't need cute little toys to make voting more cute and more fun. We need to VOTE. Period. Put a check mark on the piece of paper in the place you so choose, drop the thing into the box, and get the fuck out. Simple, isn't it?
Supposedly it makes the process easier for counting the votes. FUCK that. I don't want it to be easy or faster. I want those fuckers to sit in that room with a big pot full of coffee and count them all SEVEN TIMES. If it takes a few days for the fuckers at Fox News to be able to be the first to announce the results, FINE. The fucker doesn't take office until January anyway. We can WAIT a few days.
This shit needs to be done RIGHT. If somebody is going to steal an election, it should be because somebody threw a box full of ballots out the back door and a guy drove them off into the Mojave fuck desert. It shouldn't be something that a 9-year old kid can pull off with a Dell and a couple mouse clicks. And it DEFINITELY shouldn't be something that the Supreme Court gets to help out with by STOPPING A RECOUNT. That is the biggest horseshit ever. If there's a probelm, COUNT THEM AGAIN, you cocksuckers. If that doesn't work, hire some fucking bank tellers and have THEM count them all A THIRD TIME.
And if that doesn't work, then let's just put both candidates into a stadium, feed them full of cocaine (nothing new for our incumbent) give them clubs and a few big rocks, and let them just beat the fuck out of each other. Whoever DIES is the loser. Throw Karl Rove into the stadium naked with a shovel and make him dig the grave and stuff whoever the dead asshole is into the hole head first with his feet sticking out. Then make him dig another hole, shoot him in the back of his fucking head and throw HIM in. Put it all on live TV and let Chris Matthews figure out a way to hyper-analyze THAT shit. "Well, do you think perhaps the fact that Rove's penis was hard while he dug the grave somehow sends mixed messages to the American people about the function of this, that, or the other bullshit?" BAM! Shoot him and bury him too.
And if the guy who wins is beaten to hell and suffers brain damage from his opponent's attacks on his skull with a big heavy object, NOBODY WILL NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE ANYWAY.
And since all these campaigns have big barbecues at their rallys, we can finalize the process by taking all those paper ballots from all across the country, put them into a big pile, dump a gallon of $50 oil over them, light 'em on fire, and THROW GEORGE W. BUSH INTO THE FUCKIING PILE.
And that way, everybody wins.
Dick Cheney has a gay daughter!
Love,
Dougie
Bring Back The Draft
10.17.04 (1:26 am) [edit]Well, looks like we're back into stupid non-issues on the campaign trail.
Kerry's bitching about the possibility of a draft. Now Bush says if you vote for HIM there won't be a draft. WHO GIVES A FUCK? Can we deal with RIGHT NOW? Can we deal with things that we KNOW will happen in the future if we keep going this way? Can we talk about soldiers dying NOW, Iraq being a shithole of our own creation NOW, the jobs being lost and the kids getting substandard education NOW? The very real future consequences of our actions NOW? Yeah, we might have a draft. We might ALSO have bunch of Islamic terrorists killing people in fucking shopping malls, you idiots. You know, like what happens in Israel, but obviously won't EVER happen here in good ol' God Bless America. Get your goddamn priorities straight, people.
I've got an unpopular opinion on this draft issue. BRING IT BACK. Maybe if we bring it back, the ignorant inbred morons in this country who get all their news from network TV or Rush Limbaugh might take a war more SERIOUSLY. If it's about your kids too and not just the neighbor's kids, maybe you'll PAY ATTENTION when some cocksucker from Texas starts a stupid war. I GUARANTEE you that if there was a draft RIGHT NOW, Bush wouldn't stand a chance in November, even with all of Karl Rove's minions and all the fixed electronic voting machines in Florida. People tend to read just a little bit more when they think death is going to hit them right in the goddamn face. They tend to CARE more. They tend to think that a war should be WORTH something.
You want to get those 18-25 year old voters in? Tell them that there's no more trips to Starbucks for a fuckin' latte. They're going to WAR. That'll get the fuckers to vote, when it DIRECTLY AFFECTS THEM. Nobody apparantly gives two fucks anymore about anything that isn't hitting them directly in the face. If people are getting blown to shit halfway across the world, why the fuck should I care? If some guy is about to kill himself because he lost his job, has no medical insurance, his kids contracted AIDS from a rabid pit bull, and he has to sell his weakened sperm downtown to pay the rent...oh, who gives a fuck? It's not me.
Americans are greedy, ignorant, selfish pricks. So am I. And it disgusts me. So FUCK our precious security blanket. Bring back the goddamn draft. And don't leave one single opportunity for a loophole out of it. FUCK those rich kids. Let's send a couple senator's children over there. Then you'll see some shit clear right up. Then maybe some of these dumbfuck Republicans might think "You know what? I DO care if a president lies about his reasons for going to war." Since half or nearly half this country is apparantly still so goddamn stupid and blind to think they're "safer" with Bush in the White House (ARE YOU PEOPLE GODDAMN FUCKING INSANE??? Will you people fucking READ for Christ's sake?) then let's show 'em how safe we really are. A draft isn't going to mean anything unless there's a war, so what the fuck? Stop blaming the politicians for trying to keep enough troops out there to fight a war, and start blaming them for THE FUCKING WAR.
Dougie
Frivolous Lawsuits
10.13.04 (7:10 pm) [edit]I'm gonna sue!
That's right. I've been wronged, and it's time that I fight back and get justice. These criminals have done enough damage to me, and I demand retribution!
That's why I'm suing Fox News and Bill O'Reilly. Why? Because they have cause me great mental strain, anguish and severe emotional distress. The horrible effects of O'Reilly's show "The O'Reilly Factor" have left me with no choice. Now, I grant you, I generally do not see more than 45 seconds of this show at a time, but that is only because the pain it causes me is too much to bear. Yes, even while simply flipping channels, even if only for a mere second falling upon his hateful visage, I have been caused horrible pain, and my lawyers and I are right now determining the amount we shall seek in damages for the vicious criminal attacks upon my delicate psyche by this degenerate law-breaking fuck.
I figure I'll have to be taken seriously by the courts, because after all, just today O'Reilly has filed suit against one of his associate producers for this kind of crime. Yes, "great mental strain, anguish and severe emotional distress" has fallen upon O'Reilly because this woman supposedly threatened him with a sexual-harassment lawsuit if he didn't choke up millions of dollars for her. That cunt!
Is this some kind of extension of Bush's foreign policy? Pre-emptive lawsuits? Hit them before they hit you? What the fuck?
Now, a couple things. First, I'd rather chew Viagra muffins cold and naked alone in a room with Bob Dole than even think about O'Reilly coming on to some girl. My penis lies limp in abject terror at this thought.
Secondly, and I don't mean to belittle this woman's experience if she actually did suffer advances from the creepy fucker, but if you work in the same BUILDING as Bill O'Reilly, you really should consider other career options to begin with. Who the fuck wants to deal with THAT self-knowledge? "I work with Bill O'Reilly." Haven't there been suicide notes with those words hastily scrawled on napkins before some poor sap jumps out of a building? Come on, get a real job. Like delivering pills to Rush Limbaugh's house.
Of course, Dickface is concerned about his "reputation" being hurt by this. What reputation? Anyone with more than a 3rd grade education already KNOWS you're a twisted lying fuck. If you're so concerned about your reputation, then QUIT YOUR FUCKING SHOW. Read a couple books. Stop lying every time you open your stupid mouth. SHUT THE FUCK UP. These assholes are always concerned about someone "defaming" their "character." What a bunch of douchebags. If you choose to be in the public eye, then shut up and TAKE IT. I hope the National Enquirer produces pictures of him showing his dick to some woman. Come to think of it, no I don't. CHRIST. I have to go shower now.
I can hardly stand O'Reilly's horseshit to begin with, and as I say, I can never make it through his piece of shit show. I recently saw him interviewing some kind of religious leader, I'm not sure who. and this guy suggested that if Bush wants to say he follows Jesus, he might reconsider his rather unbiblical approach to foreign policy. O'Reilly chimes in with "Well, the Bible does say 'Judge not lest ye be judged', pastor." Like I need BILL O'FUCKIN' REILLY to give me fucking vacation bible school lessons. FUCK him. How's THAT for Christian love and stewardship, Mr. Family Values? This assface makes a living out of judging anyone who doesn't fall square into his pathetic little mindset, well, here's one back at ya, fuckmunch. FUCK YOU IN YOUR ASS. Lying, hypocritical, ignorant, self-serving WHOREMONGER. His show is garbage, his books are garbage, he's a lying fuck and a pathetic excuse for a pseudo-journalist. Puppet-headed little fuckmonkey. Dan Rather has forty times more soul and credibility in his left nut than O'Reilly has in his whole body.
But I like him a lot more than Sean Hannity. Go figure.
Dougie
Fuckocracy (Slight Return)
10.09.04 (2:28 am) [edit]I had to FORCE myself to watch the debate tonight. I would rather have my testicles covered with steaming hot chocolate and eaten by Yog-Sothoth while being dragged screaming into the infinite cold reaches of space to be used as a penile receptacle by The Great Old Ones after they get drunk on whatever it is those eldrtich horrors get drunk on than have to sit through another goddamn Bush/Kerry debate.
In other words, I was having a damn good time reading my H.P. Lovecraft books, and THESE two fuckers had to come along. Personally, I think THEY are the Elder Ones sent to destroy the planet, but I might be in a minority there.
But though I had every intention of taping it for later, I had to sit through it tonight, because it's the goddamn country we're talking about, and even though I already know who needs to be thrown out on his ass, I'm a CARING CITIZEN, goddammit.
I'm glad George took his Ritalin this time, but he still was an ass. Still throwing the "flip-flopper" shit out instead of listening to the details of why Kerry thinks the way he does. Bush is just too fucking stupid to get it. He actually said after Kerry's statement about abortion that "I'm trying to decipher all that." Well, of course you are, fuckmunch - YOU'RE A SIMPLE-MINDED GODDAMN IDIOT CUNTHAIR WITHOUT A MOTHERFUCKING CLUE IN YOUR EMPTY FUCKING SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This born-again fundamentalist shitbag has no clue about the complexities of real life. He's either hidden behind a bottle or behind Jesus his whole life, how the fuck CAN he have a clue? This is the asshole who said he's trying to keep his daughters "on a leash" as if they're dogs. Well, Jenna is kinda mutt-like, but come on, let's be serious now. His entire approach to life is HORSESHIT, he has no sense of logic, no sense of thinking through issues, no BRAINS whatsoever.
A woman asked him to name three mistakes he's made, so what does he do? He makes some lame offering about some of his appointments, but won't elaborate, then he spends the rest of the time talking about how he's NOT made mistakes. The arrogant shit. He likes to talk about how he is willing to make "unpopular" decisions and scornfully talks about what's popular in "the halls of Europe", which is such arrogant condescending garbage, but he never once asks himself WHY these people disagree with him, WHY there might be another way of looking at things. No, he's right. He just is. And I'm not an alcoholic, and Jesus is The Only Way To Heaven.
Honesty about oneself. It helps. Hey, boys and girls, I've had to find out the hard way and slowly come to admit that I'M an alcoholic. And that MY religion was horseshit and I want nothing to do with it anymore. And that *I* know fuck-all about France. They've got a big tower, a big-ass art museum, they saved our butts in the Revolution, Napoleon was around there somewhere, and they pronounce my last name stupidly. That's about it for me and France. But if they don't want to blow the shit out of Iraq, that's FINE. I'm not going to rename my fries over it or pray to Jesus to save their evil hellbound souls. OK?
Kerry, on the other hand, will admit to being Catholic (I feel sorry for him, personally) and talk about how religion has helped him through life (do any of these fuckers ever just go OUTSIDE and look at trees and stars and rivers and stuff? That helps too, ya know) but he makes it clear that he won't allow his personal beliefs to control his policy decisions that affect the entire nation. You know, the approach that MAKES SENSE??? Good for Kerry. I was very happy to hear him say that.
One thing Bush tried to carry over from the first debate was this dumbass fixation on TWO WORDS that Kerry said the last time about a "global test" in dealing with the world. Out of a big chunk of words, in which Kerry plainly stated that the president has every right to a pre-emptive war if necessary but MUST clearly show why he is doing so, and must make every effort to get other nations' backing (because if you don't, you are FUCKED) and CLEARLY said that he would never give another country the authority to make our decisions for us, out of ALL THAT, Bush and his scumfucks grabbed two words out and turned them around to make Kerry out to be saying the OPPOSITE of what he fucking said! If that is not proof that this administarion is made up of assholes, I don't know what the fuck is. They have NO ideas, NO plan, NO brains whatso-fucking-ever. They want you to believe that "Freedom is on the march!" while Iraq is steadily growing more psychotic, and while our own country is seeing job loss, corporate fuckedness, and increasing problems in education and health care, due in great part because this president IS DOING NOTHING to help.
He made some incredibly weird statement about prescriptions from Canada, I can't remember the exact quote, but it was basically the suggestion that drugs from Canada might be going there from the Third World and we've gotta be safe, so no, you can't have those cheaper drugs!
I've got news for you, THEY DON'T MAKE PAXIL IN ETHIOPIA. Unless the US company selling it has figured out that it's cheaper to make them over there, of course. Canada is NOT Haiti. It's fucking CANADA. The most unsafe shit you can get imported from Canada is Moosehead beer and Bryan Adams. Now, I recognize that Bryan Adams could concievably be regarded as a weapon of mass destruction (I know I lost some brain cells trying to get to the radio to turn it off the first time I heard that fucking song from Robin Hood that pathetic milqetoast cocksucker did) but let's be serious here. Or don't. Fuck serious. I'm through with serious.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
There, that's the rest of my review of the debate. Fuck you, and have a great fuckin' night. Fuck.
Love (and fuck),
Dougie
Another Day In The American Fuckocracy
10.05.04 (7:40 pm) [edit]NASCAR officials proved today that they can be just as stupid as the FCC when they fined and took points away from Dale Earnhart Jr. for saying the word "shit" on television.
My first question, and it's one I've wondered a few times this year, is pretty simple - where the fuck is the guy who "beeps" people in these situations? They have these fucking devices to protect easily offended people from the harsh realities of everyday speech, why don't they USE them? I saw it happen, he said the word the same way most of us do, as a part of normal speech, without thinking about it. He didn't jump out of his car and start screaming "SHIT!!!!" at the fucking cameras. Which, come to think of it, would make for more interesting television. I think that would make sporting events fun. "You ran me off the road and I had to take another goddamn pit stop! Motherfucker! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit!" I guaran-damn-tee you that's how they FEEL sometimes. Make it part of the event. If you don't want it on regular TV, put it on HBO. People will be talking about it like they do The Sopranos. "Did you see it last night? Tony whacked another snitch, and Jeff Gordon ran his car right over some pit-worker's head for not putting enough gas in the tank. it was fuckin' great!"
With all the wretched crap that happens in this world, people still make an issue of of this NON-ISSUE. You know what? If you want to never be offended, and if you simply must "protect the children" from these horrible, terrible combinations of four letters, STAY THE FUCK INSIDE. Burn your TV and radio, don't read anything but Dr. Seuss books, and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those of us who are concerned with the things that ACTUALLY MATTER will not miss you. We'll be busy trying to explain things like death, corrupt government, and schoolyard bullies to our children. You know, the things that AFFECT children. I'd hate to see how one of these pseudo-moral douchebags deals with having to tell the kid that Daddy got flattened by a drunk driver and you'll never see him again. They'll probably tell the poor child that he's in Heaven now, a concept that will fuck up a kid's mind FAR worse than the words "shit", "fuck", or "oversensitve sack of douchefuck" ever will. You want to do your child a favor? Show him/her a picture of George W. Bush, and say "Honey, this man is a fuck, shit, asshole, cocksucker, goddamn cunt. And if you ever say any of those words, he'll come into your room and eat your head." Then when a guy on TV says the word, the kid can pray to your invisible god to have mercy on the poor fucker. And when Donald Rumsfeld comes on the tube, grab your kid, shield his eyes, and run screaming to the basement. Because THOSE motherfuckers are more dangerous to you and your children's future than Dale Jr., Bono, or a whole crateful of Jackson family titties will ever be.
So I read more news, and said "fuck" a few times myself, because THAT'S WHERE IT COMES FROM. You wanna hear the word a few times? Come around here while I'm reading about things like the Independent Women's Forum being awarded part of a $10,000,000 grant to "train" Iraqi women in the ways of our so-called "democracy."
Who is the IWF, you may ask? A group of conservative women who would be baking cookies and wishing they had the right to vote if not for the "liberal feminists" they apparantly feel the need to counter with their special little bridge club. These ignorant CUNTS (their organization partly founded by Lynne Cheney, you know, the woman who actually has to fuck Lucifer on a semi-regular basis, and I hear Dick doesn't use lube) claim that their group was "established to combat the women-as-victim, pro-big-government ideology of radical feminism," Oooh! Radical feminism! What a major threat! You want to know what one of the bad things that "radical feminists" came up with? Governments guaranteeing maternity leave with pay, and child-care. FUCK! SHIT! GODDAMN! FUCKING CHRIST ON A BLOODY GODDAMN FUCKSTICK!
Oops, here comes the FCC.
So, if I've got this right, these liberal pussies who hate American freedom are depraved enough not to realize that women who have jobs should be pretty much fucked right in their ass the second after the kid comes out, denied the time to spend those crucial first weeks bonding with their child (something that fucking RODENTS know enough to do) denied pay from their companies (who apparantly weren't helped out enough already by having most of Bush's tax cut coming their way) and if they want child-care, they *certainly* can't expect *any* help from either the government (who, after all, can't be taking time off from its job of protecting the general welfare by doing things that...uh....protect the general welfare) or from their employer, who might be inconvenienced by such petty mundane things as making sure that their employees aren't distracted from doing their jobs by wondering if their kid isn't BEING EATEN ALIVE BY RABID WOLVES.
FUCK these women. Well, don't. I wouldn't fuck them with your dick. Yes, even you women reading this. Your dick. Come on, I've seen those websites, you have one. Shit, we KNOW Ann Coulter does.
Women out there, do me a favor. If a woman you know has been bullshitted by men into thinking this way, beat their ass with a large dildo. And make sure to get pictures.
What else is pissing me off today? Oh, I know. I guess I'd somehow missed this until just last week, but I read a friggin' amazing article last week that I stumbled on while reading up on some of the congressional candidates in my area.
I had NO idea this existed, but apparantly more and more schools are adopting "pay-to-play" sports programs, because they don't have the money to have sports otherwise. WHAT THE FUCK? When I was a kid, I thought schools placed too MUCH importance on sports, and now a kid has to PAY for it? Sometimes in the hundreds of dollars? What the fuck is this? Now I don't give two shits about sports myself, but it serves a purpose. It gives the kids who play them some balance, some self-worth, some goals, and - unless an older person is too stupid to press it - some incentive to get their academic work done. It used to be "If you get bad grades, you don't get to be on the team." Apparantly now, it's "If you don't help me sell Grandma's jewelry on eBay, you don't get to be on the team." Or eat, in this increasingly fucked-up country. I guess kids now should just sit in class then go straight home and sit in front of the TV. There's just not enough money for anything else.
Now, don't misunderstand me, this stuff apparantly has been going on for a long time, but the frequency of it has gone through the roof in the last few years. The states are cutting back on things like this because they HAVE NO MONEY. And it's not just cutting back sports, there's teachers buying supplies out of their OWN POCKETS, kids using outdated books, and based on the clueless cunt who taught my ninth-grade Algebra class, even some of the TEACHERS aren't worth two shits. Unfortunately, the many of them who ARE worth far more than that are gettng *paid* shit and are recieving little if any help to make their jobs easier. And if you have a roomful of 20 or 30 of those little fuckers, somebody better be trying to make it a little bit easier on you, goddammit. Teachers get NO real respect in this country. People like my Dad actually will say they get paid too MUCH. And my Dad, to the best of my knowledge, HAS NEVER USED DRUGS. How the fuck ignorant do you have to BE to say shit like that? The *shitty* teachers get paid too much. You can cut THEIR pay all you want until they quit and go find another job where they aren't fucking things up for kids. But the ones who *do* their job should get paid VERY well, because they are in charge of THE FUTURE WORK FORCE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY. You don't question the salary of a teacher (or the adequate funding of a school system) who can help a whole group of kids (save the few dismal little fuckers who will always be around no matter what) learn and grow and become useful members of society. You HIRE OUT ORAL SEX straight from the national budget for these people. If a teacher can get through to my daughter and help her learn, I want that person to be happy, healthy, wealthy, and blown.
But we're not doing that. In current times, Bush is giving average people back just enough tax money to let them know how FUCKED they are, and spending the rest on building schools in IRAQ, instead of using it for shit that actually helps people HERE. This is the stuff taxes are FOR. You know, making the country A BETTER PLACE. There's always some idiot that asks the question "Well, why should my tax money go to pay for schools? I don't even have kids." These people are SELFISH IGNORANT FUCKS who should be forced to get three meals a day from a Taco Bell drive-through so they can get A REALLY GOOD LOOK at the reason why education is important in this country. I guarantee you that if you have to repeat the phrase "two chicken soft tacos and a large Pepsi" to some dumbass 17-year old Limp Bizkit fan enough times, you're gonna wonder why the fuck somebody in the government isn't looking into why kids are so fucking stupid. Then, when some barely-educated little punkass hits you over the head with a brick, steals your wallet, and breaks all the windows out of your car, I think you MIGHT wonder a.) Why the fuck their single mom with two jobs didn't have adequate daycare so they could learn from an early age that you DON'T DO THAT SHIT and b.) Why somebody didn't make schools into something other than a place to shove the little bastards off for a few hours and recite facts and figures at them, when they COULD make education something children ENJOY. And don't give me that shit about how it isn't supposed to be fun, because it IS fun. Watch a little kid, like my three-year old. She LOVES learning new stuff. All kids that age do unless their mom was guzzling Jack Daniels with dinner during pregnancy. And somewhere along the line, we fuck that up and make learning a boring, pointless exercise that's really only done to give the kid just enough information to grow into a dull, shallow, consumer fuck robot who performs some basic task to keep the nation moving just enough to not come screeching to a halt.
Let your kid play ball. Let 'em have a book. And since we all know now that television is nothing but an immoral cesspool of potty-mouth and naked boobies, shut the fucking TV off and DEMAND that they play ball and read a book. Eventually, they'll thank you for it.
Love,
Dougie