Oh, The Irony Is Not Lost On Me...
08.19.07 (11:02 am) [edit]You know how I spend half my time trying to get girls 20 years younger than me to fuck me? And always fail?
Met a very nice, very pretty lady at a gig last night. Hit it off great, exchanged phone numbers.
She's 20 years OLDER than me.
Fuck it. I really like her and she looks ten years younger and thinks I rock.
My life is a rich full fucking oyster,
Dougie
My New Hit Single
08.11.07 (4:51 am) [edit]Did this at a solo gig tonight and they didn't arrest me...
Gentle warm smile behind the counter
Almost knocked me flat
Then I got a better look at her
If she's 16, I'll eat my hat
Hope she's legal, hope I don't go to jail and to Hell too
Hope she's legal, I bet her dad and I went to the same school
She looks like a goddess there in her uniform
Selling me cigarettes, beer and gas
I sure hope she's got a driver's license
'Cause she looks so fuckin' good I wanna eat her ass
Hope she's legal, hope I don't go to jail and to Hell too
Hope she's legal, I bet her dad and I went to the same school
Everywhere I go they seem to be there
Barely legal teens, yeah you better beware
If she smiles at you and she hasn't had her braces off yet
You better fuckin' run away faster than a Lear Jet
I tried to ask her out but she said it's a school night
And she has a curfew at ten
Turns out her mom is the bitch that used to beat me up
Back in the old days, yeah, you remember when!
Hope she's legal, hope I don't go to jail and to Hell too
Hope she's legal, I bet her dad and I went to the same school
Hope she's legal, been up all night online studying statuatory law
Hope she's legal, 'cause this girl could make a frozen cock thaw
Hope she's legal, for all I know she's my cousin's first born
Hope she's legal, or I'll just have to go back to that online teenie porn
Fatherly Advice
08.04.07 (7:52 pm) [edit]Reading Crystal Zevon's book on her late husband, I came onto the tale of when Warren met and hung out with Keith Richards. (Imagine the years of combined experience in debauchery in that room.)
Keith shared with Warren the advice his father had given him on women when he was a boy.
"Son, it's the second hole down from the back of the neck."
Good thing I don't have a son...
Dougie