867-530 Niiiiiiiine

867-530 Niiiiiiiine

08.11.05 (5:41 pm)   [edit]
OK, her name is Jenny.

She came up to me today at work. Just a glimpse from the corner of my eye and my pants were wet. I turned around and...oh my fucking God...she changed her hair.

Looked great. I liked it better before, but it looked great. She was wearing this fuzzy pink top that made her look a little too professional - even a little older - in contrast with the youthful energy she usually emanates (my guess is she's about 30, probably a couple years less) but my God...I want to eat her for hours.

"Got something for you!"

A free trip inside your pants? Please oh please oh please???

It was a check.

Hey, I need the money.

The check for the other job I worked at one day last week. I figured they'd take care of me this time (fuck knows I've bitched at them often enough in the past couple weeks) but it was nice to see it a day earlier than expected. I knew it was Brad at the office who got this out my way, but I'm a smooth motherfucker, so my response was:

"Jenny, you are a goddess."

"I know!"

She's so cute.

She walked back to her cubicle (less than 20 yards from me, but the walls keep me from completely fucking up my work by actually being able to SEE her more than five minutes a day) and something went through my head. I followed her. I got there and...uh...

"I forgot what I was going to ask you."

"Oh, that's OK. Nice to see you!"

Wow, she sounded serious.

"Nice to...uh...see you too. I see you changed your hair."

"Yeah, its a little more blonde now." Actually, it's a different style. Funny that I hadn't noticed the slight bit of extra shine. Maybe the sun shining in her eyes had distracted me and...Christ, that sounds cheesy...

"Looks great."

"Thank you!"

"Well...uh...see you. Still can't remember what I was going to ask you."

"That's OK. Have a nice day!"


Fuckity fuckfuck FUCK. If I'd said ANYTHING else it probably would have been incredibly stupid and/or out of line. I left. I remembered two seconds later what I wanted to ask (no, not "Can I worship at the altar of your pussy?" but an actual job-related question of little actual import) but I didn't go back. I wanted to. I thought about Mary, the woman with the same sort of job as Jenny back at the office in Ohio. The last woman who destroyed my mind like this. Mary sat and talked with me (while she was on the clock) about religion for 25 minutes. Mary is married. (Cute sentence, that.) I actually came very close to falling out of my chair when she mentioned her husband, and I KNOW she knew it. She kept talking. What a sweetheart.

I want Jenny a lot more, though.

I really hate being male sometimes. I hate some of the more base, lower-brain things that go along with this stuff. The I Am The Mighty Conqueror bullshit that men feel, or in the case of men like me, I Am NOT A Conqueror, I'm A Fucking Putz. Why can't it be solely about fucking? Women THINK it's solely about fucking, but it's acually got a lot of weird ego things tied to it, and I don't enjoy any of that. I enjoy sex. And giving too. No, really. I think the greatest feeling in the world is knowing that you're making a woman happy.

OK, maybe I like blowjobs better. I'm TRYING to work through this shit honestly, goddammit!

I don't really want to feel this way about anyone right now, and it certainly is going to do me no good to feel it towards a woman I can't possibly APPROACH, let alone have any kind of relationship with. I've got other things to do right now, and I don't need all this getting in the way. I don't want to think about my dick, or anywhere it might want to go. I've got bills to pay and music that would really like to be coming out of me. I can't do all this at the same time. I know that full well now. I'm not in any mental condition to try to give my energy to a woman. The last time I tried, I failed.

It's selfish, probably. But it's true. I wouldn't be living alone right now if it wasn't.

But holy fuck. I want this woman in a BAD way. I want to get to know her, find out why she's as smart and confident and full of life as much as she is beautiful. Dammit. It's bad enough that I want to fuck this girl, I have to want everything ELSE too?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !


I'm gonna go back home and read some Hunter Thompson and try to forget about this.

Jenny...oh sweet fuckin' Jenny..................

Dougie