Bacardi Limon Is My New Personal Lord And Savior
10.25.05 (10:10 pm) [edit]I got a link from a freind recently that led to this joke, which I told my co-worker Bob yesterday:
St. Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.
After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."
Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"
The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"
An hour later, I said, "You know, when I go to lunch today, I think I'll go to Steak And Shake and tell Amanda the Pinocchio joke."
Bob replied, "You really like to go all or nothing, don't you?"
I like Bob,
So I see Amanda at lunch. She looks utterly delicous. I'm eating that chili five-way, but I'm thinking about her. Yum.
She walks by."Hey, I've got a joke for you."
She sits down across from me. She looks REALLY interested. My weenie awakens with a happy jolt.
I tell her the joke. She LAUGHS. I made a woman laugh! Wheeeeee!!!!!
Then I notice how quickly she gets her ass back to the kitchen.
OK, she probably just needs to get back to work. She isn't REALLY running away from me now. Right? RIGHT???
A few minutes later, looking up from my book (The Encyclopedia Cthulhiana. I'm SUCH a fucking geek) I see her come by and I try to make some conversation. I ask how busy she's been. She tells me a bit about her day (she sounds rather tired) and I say something amazingly full of shit:
"I hope the rest of your day is as beautiful as you are."
That's enough to make ME throw up.
But she didn't. Her face lit up. She looked genuinely happy. I MADE HER HAPPY. Holy fuck.
I wanted to fly out of my seat and attack her right there Tear that uniform off and asault her labia with my tongue. That look on her face. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uck.
She seemed so caught off guard. So vulnerable. And so, soooooo fucking hot. There was something very knowing in her eyes, but still so very....young. Innocent. There's something so much like a little girl in those eyes, yet something so much like a very, very knowledgeable, experienced, FUCKING AMAZING woman in there. Innocent. Yet not. God DAMN it.. She makes me fucking insane. I really have no idea what to think when I'm around her. I'm very sure that she's already taken, but something in her suggests otherwise. I want to know. I want so much to bring her back home and ravage her like a drunken hyena. I'm five feet from my bed right now. I want her to be in it. All the ego-driven male shit I normally abhor is riding high in me right now. i want to OWN her. Control her. Make her worship me.
It's fucking disgusting, isn't it?
But it's not just all that. I keep seeing her face as she sat down and I told her that joke. The smile. The way her eyes lit up while I told her a joke. I TOLD HER A JOKE. I could hear the voice of Sheriff Harry S. Truman in my head as she walked away:
Harry: How long have you been in love with her?
Cooper: Harry, who said anything about love?
Harry: Cooper, you just tried to tell her a joke.
Cooper: I did?
I want Amanda to be my Annie. Well, I don't want her to be kidnapped by a sociopath trying to get into the Black Lodge, I just want to ravage her body. Is that wrong?
Gig with the northern band this weekend in Marion. It's a Halloween party, so I have to dress up. It took a while to think up something, but I've decided to dress in all black, dye my hair black, and put on plenty of black makeup. In other words, I'm going as A Typical American High School Student.. Too bad I only own one Marilyn Manson CD, eh?
The weekend with Katie went much better. We went to the Newport Aquarium, Otterville (a very cool indoor-outdoor playground) and, about two seconds after she fell asleep, a drive through the area where some of our ancestors lived just south of Covington. I rather like Northern Kentucky. The place in question is a gorgeous tree-filled area by DeCoursey Creek, just south of Covington and Taylor Mill. The road winds around a lot, and there's a few trailers on the side of the hills. They're low hills, but the vibe is VERY hillbilly, very much suggestive of old guys sitting on the porch with banjos and shotguns at their side, waiting for dinner to walk by. Then you come up to the new yuppie home being built, the land evens out, and you're back in civilization. The good stuff lasts about five minutes. But it's a great five minutes. I felt CONNECTED.
Katie slept througbh all this.
But I enjoyed it. It was my second time there,. My links there go back to the 1790s. And coming back to the west, I drove up a road named after the part of my family who lived there, past a family cemetery (in somebody's FRONT YARD), and past the courthouse in Independence. Members of my family donated the land that the courthouse now stands on. It was bult in 1840, when Kenton and Campbell counties split.
I'm such a total geek for history.
Anyway, I had a nice weekend with Katie, much less stressful than the previous week. And I got to see Amanda yesterday. Tomorrow I go in to work an hour early, and....does anyone give a SHIT about any of this? Fuck it. It's been a decent week so far. I think I'll go back and see her tomorrow. Drive another nail in. And, just as I've said before, it doesn't really even matter what happens. I care very little about results of ANYTHING I do right now. I just like the game. I've very nearly lost any traces of what used to be my sense of What Might Happen. Who gives a fuck? Very little of what I do means a goddamn thing. That's a GOOD thing to know. It's liberating. It keeps me going. . Well, that and rum. Rum, nihlism, pussy, and music. What more does an asshole need?
Pinocchio?
Dougie