Gonna Get Me A Playstation 2

Gonna Get Me A Playstation 2

Funny fuckin' shit, boys and girls.

Been reading up on who the fuck is running my districts here in Indiana. I intend to give some time to politics this year and I'm not sure yet who to go for (or after) just yet. Our state representatives in this area are both Republicans. Our US congresswoman is Democrat Julia Carson, who I've been reading up on. Interesting lady. Our US Senators are Democrat Evan Bayh (the Bayh family long known in Indiana politics) and Republican Dick Lugar, one of the few Republicans I still respect. I met him when I was in high school, at a political syposium for students held at the University Of Indianapolis (I live pretty close to there now) and I was one of the two students from my high school who got to go. He's far more principled and inteliigent than most of the neo-con swine running our country.

I'll poke around on local people as well and see where I want to devote what little time I'll have for this adventure. I did a bit of this work back in college (when I was still a Republican) and put in a couple hours of phone-calling back in Ohio in the 2004 election. I have no idea what I'll do this time or for whom, but I'm not sitting on my ass. I hate what this country has become, I hate the religion-drenched "values" so many of us cling to out of fear and ignorance, and I don't want my daughter growing up to have her life unduly influenced by these swine.

I was a walking erection today. FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK. All I wanted, all I needed. You know how horny you have to be to be able to keep thinking about fucking even while spending nine hours packing pneumatic parts into cardboard boxes?

Went to lunch with Dave, the jazz guitar nut. I owed him lunch, since he's bought mine a couple times. We were walking out and I told him. "You know how far down the food chain you are to be online at 1:15AM researching state-by-state age-of-consent laws? I'm going to Hell, dude."

He laughed. "Hey, some of these young girls are more into sex than we are."

"Uh, I doubt that."

"OK, maybe not YOU. I hadn't thought about that..."

Good laugh there.

Later, I had to take a big hCinese-lunch dump. Now, I'm very evil sometimes in what my colon discharges. I know this. Hell, I'm even sorta proud. When you can make entire hotel floors clear within 4 seconds through the power of you ass, that's an ACHIEVEMENT. All hail poop!

But man oh man, what I sat through. My own deposit was nothing special. Took too long to finish, the greenish hue was slightly disturbing, but I wasn't bleeding or finding little Cthulhu-shaped corn in my stool. Believe me, I look. You can't be to cautious these days with the garbage in our food supply.

Two stalls down I heard a guy at work. I knew his voice. He wasn't talking. He was grunting and straining like he was giving birth to a 96-pound bowling ball.

The noises erupting from his bowels sent waves of dark, eldritch fear through my senses. The hideous, hellish, Lovecraftian sounds! Could it be that Yog-Sothoth himself had found a gateway to our dimension through this poor cheese-eater's anus? Dude! What the FUCK have you been eating? Pure lard marinated in habanero sauce? The MSG in my Chinese lunch didn't stand a chance against the terrible porcelain-melting horror in that stall.

Ye gods! The stentch! Randolph Carter standing before the open grave the night his friend Harley Warren was dragged into the abyss could not have smelled evil like this! My eyes! My eyes!

I would have lit a match, but the chemistry floating in that air could have caused a firey eruption that would make the FBI think Al-Queda had hit eastern Indianapolis.

Never in my life have I smelled something that could CHANGE THE MOLECULAR STRUCTURE OF DRYWALL until today. The very structure of the surrounding walls in that bathroom were in dire apocalyptic peril. I had to make my escape. I wiped my ass, washed my hands, and escaped for air and a gallon of water at the fountain. I think I saw a couple hundred more white hairs as I glanced at the mirror on my way out. I'm telling you, fine readers, The Colour Out Of Space is BROWN. Ol' Howie Phillips Lovecraft himself would have created a fine maddening novel from my experience in the Hell-Stall today if he'd only lived to tell that tale.

I REALLY want bourbon right now. Must resist. Must think about something more desireable....no...not...shit, I'm back to square one where I started this morning. Oh, my sweet perversion...Gotta go grab a Donnas CD and jerk off all over myself. Have a good night, you fuckers.

Love,
Dougie