Ya Know, I Wonder If Jerry Seinfeld Must Have Felt This Way...
02.07.06 (7:57 pm) [edit]Thought about her all day.
Listening to Jethro Tull. Crest Of a Knave, the album that won the heavy metal grammy 18 years ago. 18 years ago??? Fuck, I feel old. I dont know what it has to do with metal, but I love this album, adn they haven't topped it since. But hey, I love damn near anything Tull does.
Walked into the bank, got in line. At the teller window at the far end, an ass called to me. Wow. What an ass. The most utterly fuckable ass I've seen in...oh...at least twenty minutes. No, it really has been a long time. I saw the ass, the long black somewhat-curly hair leading down to it. A perfectly round ass, fillijng up tight jeans as if to say, "Hello Doug. I am an ass. I would like you to fuck me. Got the time?"
Then he turned around.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! !!!!!!
I now have proof that there is a God, and He's a SICK FUCK. Who else would put an ass like that on a goateed Hells Angel looking motherfucker?
I admit it, when he left, I took another look. Hey, YOU WOULD TOO. Don't give me that shit. YOU'D LOOK TOO, goddammit. It was a GREAT ass. Shave it down a little, and...oh Christ. I think I just went sterile thinking about this shit.
I wonder what her ass look like...
Back to work. Sucked. Fucking smooth-jazz station on Tuesdays. I have to take my days off on Tuesdays, dammit. I know I'm a sick bastard and I have my perversions and illnesses, but there is NOTHING on this earth more evil and WRONG than the vanilla happy-sax horseshit I had to work through today. Fucking Sominex. I tell people how much I hate this shit and they say, "But this is love music. People make love to this."
WHO??? I'll tell you who. OLD people. Dried up old fucks with bad backs who "make love" because they don't know how to FUCK anymore. Yeah, people make love to Kenny G. Well, I jerk off to Meshuggah. Fuck you in your Weather-Channel-listening assholes, you lame fucks. When I finally get my hands on the girl *I'm* thinking about right now, I'm gonna fuck her until my back goes out to Hendrix bootlegs and early Mothers Of Invention. Take that, you sax-swilling ass-bastards.
Mom gave me a bottle of decent salsa and some tortilla chips Sundasy. I just chopped an orange habanero in. Cherry vodka, my first adult beverage in three days, washing down Blazing Hot Death. Tip for first-time habanero users - a teaspoon of sugar can relieve the EVIL DEATH BLAST of pure pepperfied heat.
Kip Winger is singng "she's only seventeen" in my head. Good fucking gawd, I'm going to burn...
Love,
Dougie