Ten Items Of Total Horseshit You 're Probably Better Off Ignoring

Ten Items Of Total Horseshit You 're Probably Better Off Ignoring

2.) I'm making the buckles for child car seats at this new job. I've been tempted to ask if they have a The Brain Of Britney Spears Memorial Educational Training Course in order to teach people how to USE the things, but I doubt that would go over.

3.) I've got an issue with a co-worker as of today that I'm not going to go into until I give it some time, but I was a tad irritable today over it.

4.) Then I went INSANE and had this sudden flash of rage come out of nowhere, directed at people who have done absolutely nothing against me in a long time, and I was driving down the highway feeling like I was going to explode. This used to happen all the time. But it's been a while. The only thing I have to explain it is that I haven't been sleeping much the past couple days, and I already know how fucked-up my brain gets on low amounts of sleep. It certainly brings out the psychotic asshole side of my bipolar problems. So I'm going to bed early tonight, because it'll likely be the only good shot I have at it for a few days. And I have no reason to be pissed at these people, let alone allow the shit into my brain that was there for about half an hour this afternoon. It kinda scared me.

5.) Got the Saturn back today. Mom and Dad will be in town for a doctor appointment Wednesday and they're taking the van back then. The car seems to be fine now. Too bad it cost what it did, especially in labor. But hey, this car has done me well in the last year.

6.) I could swear the name I heard called over the PA at work one day last week was "Dick Cable."

Now, if I had a dick like a cable, I wouldn't have to do THIS shit for a living. In fact, I would have a great pornstar name. Hell, with a dick like a cable, I could be the next Ron Jeremy. You know, fat hairy guy with a big schlong. Unfortunately, I'm a fat hairy guy with an average dick and the social skills of a deranged parakeet on crack.

Does he get cable with his dick? That would be cool. Plug yer dong into the wall and get Internet access. I suppose if you were jerking off, it would be like uploading stuff for my next door neighbor to download. Is there a file-sharing network for guys with dicks like cables?

These are the thoughts that kept me from climbing the corporate ladder.

7.) Sheryl and Katie have a new cat. A beautiful little dark girl cat named Mimi. she's very sweet and Katie was so cute telling me about her. "She's not a hunter. She doens't have claws. And she's very calm." Coming out of a four-year old the way it comes out of Katie, it was very cool. I think Mimi has a great new home.

8.) Most of the women at the new job are significantly older and/or not to my taste. (To clarify, I know I go on and on about wanting to fuck women half my age, but I also rather like older women, and the women I've actually been with have been older than me. But the ones I'm talking about are a LOT older than me. That's all I'm sayin'.)

But I saw a blonde walk by today that made my head turn. I swear, hers did too. For a split second we were looking over our shoulders at each other. I have no idea what she was thinking. I was thinking...

9.) Holy fuckin' Christ I need a blowjob.

10.) A lovely young lady reminded me of The Flaming Lips a few days ago, and I pulled out The Soft Bulletin, easily one of my ten or so favorite albums of the past ten or so years. I'm listening to it now, and damn, it makes me happy.

11.) Holy fuckin' Christ I need a blowjob. I know, that's eleven things. But I just thought I'd mention it again. You know, to give it emphasis and stuff.

12.) OK, let's make it twelve and see if you can count better thanme. I had a dream the other night where all I remember is Mike Keneally trying to hand me a plate with a stack of pancakes on it. This morning I woke up from a dream where all I remember is me and A alone in a court room and she's asking me if I knew "that girl" (who quite clearly is a big teaser, she took me half the way there) was a minor when I fucked her. My dreams are getting fuckin' bizarre.

I need a fuckin' blowjob,
Dougie
PS The Soft bulletin just finished, so I put in Beck's Mutations. Goddamn, I love this too. Is that 13 things?