I Love Cock
03.24.06 (10:50 pm) [edit]Now that I've got yer attention...
I've had this rant boiling in me for a while. Time to type.
Why are people still arguing over gay marriage? I see it a lot here on tblog, and the US in general. Do we have NOTHING better to do with our time than this? We've got issues of national secuirity, children not being fed, government failure causing the deaths of thousands of people, a shit excuse for an educational system, and people without reasonable access to health care. And we actually give a SHIT about boys kissing? About boys getting married? What the FUCK is wrong with you people? How STUPID are you to care ONE FUCKING BIT about this shit when people are DYING for no good reason? Is your life so completely fucking pointless and devoid of meaning that THIS is what offends you? Are you such a lousy piece of ass that you have to complain about EVERYONE who gets better hole than you do?
Our priorities are FUCKED in this country. And I'd like to blame it on Republicans, because they are the true masters of this feed-the-people-bullshit- until-they-forget-the-evi l-shit-we're-doing approach, but it happens on all sides, no one is blameless, everyone is willing to waste their time on this shit instead of standing up and saying "I care as much about whether queers marry as I do about whether or not a dog shits on the lawn of an 80-year old retired plumber in Kansas. Can we get back to THE GENERAL WELFARE and leave this shit alone for a while?"
We have uproars over homosexuality, over Janet Jackson's tits, over Bono saying "fuck" on TV. But we DON'T make any true effort to work on the shit that KILLS people, that ACTUALLY destroys lives on a regular basis. Like, you know, RELIGION.
I've got news for you fundamentalist Christian idiots - fucking somebody in the ass is not a sin. Allowing your government to metaphorically fuck the country (and other countries) in the ass without so much as a letter to a representative IS. If your god exists (and frankly, I'm hoping for a better one, because your god is a bigger bipolar fucking asshole than I am, and I'd like to beat the shit out of him) I'm willing to bet even HE knows better than to waste energy worrying about what OTHER PEOPLE do instead of doing good yourself. You are doing NO ONE a favor by choosing to spend your time raving about buttfuckers. In fact, somebody should stick a dick in YOUR ass until you loosen up and get your fucking priorities in order. Go feed hungry kids and help the sick and the poor. Or is that too much like something CHRIST might do for you to be able to handle, you shallow, empty-headed fucks? Frankly, I consider anyone who bases their lives on a pseduo-literal reading of thousands-years old documents to be a DANGEROUS LUNATIC, and I don't want my child anywhere near you fuckers. I'd rather she hang out with queers. At least THEY have a sense of humour and can teach her how to cook me a decent meal and decorate my apartment for me when I'm old and pooping myself in a wheelchair.
I saw something incredible on James Dobson's website recently. You know Dobson. The guy who thinks Spongebob Squarepants is turning kids into queers. Because, after all, Spongebob can destroy a kid's soul, but watching CNN (you know, the channel featuring news about the REAL world) won't fuck with a kid's head at all. Hey, have you watched the news lately? The FCC should ban those channels. I can't think of anything more damaging to a child than REALITY. A fucking cartoon is the LEAST of their problems.
Anyway, Dobson was going off about queers and how much "emotional damage" awaits those who "choose" the gay lifestyle. Funny thing, that. Gee, after all, being straight is an emotional picnic, ain't it? No terrible consequences to be had from being straight, eh? No broken relationships, no rape, no years of counseling, none of that shit, right? Yeah, there's LOADS of emotional damage for the faggots, but we GODLY peeple (especially Christian white folk in southern states, who funnily enough, happen to have the highest divorce rates in the country) have nothing to worry about. No pain and suffering. Not at all. Hell, when my marriage fell apart, I know *I* didn't feel a thing. Which is why I went insane and drove all over the country, drank a pint of bourbon every night, and cried at seemingly nothing at random times for four months. Yeah, that was all part of the FUN awaiting us lucky folk who don't fuck people of the same sex. Good ol' fashioned Jesus-based joy, ya know.
Just because some people have great marriages (or claim to, I'm convinced that most of these fundamentalist fucks are either privately miserable or only happy in their marriage because they and their spouse are FUCKING BORING CUNTS) that doens't mean they should assume the REST of us do. Half of all marriages end in divorce. And from what i've seen, half of the ones who stay together don't really want to. Marriage is a great thing when it WORKS. I know people who have made it work very well. They are the MINORITY. I'm happy for them, but they are LUCKY. That's it, boys and girls. Lots of luck, and lots of WORK. Interestingly enough, most of the really good marriages I know of are between people who aren't particularly religious. Hmmm...coincidence? Maybe.
Marriage is only as "sacred" as each partner MAKES it. YOUR definition of marriage is as relevant to others as your definition of "good TV" is. It's a PERSONAL thing between two people, and the reasons for and the details of are DIFFERENT for everyone. Imagine that, eh? That other people might be DIFFERENT than you, and might have DIFFERENT ideas of how things work? Imagine even, that this is WHAT YOUR PHONY TWO-DIMENSIONAL SHIT GOD INTENDED. Or better yet, imagne that there is no religion. It's easy if you try. Isn't it ironic that the first word that comes in my mind when I see you anti-gay religious twits is "cocksucker"?
Fucking cunts.
Later...
Listening to Die Laughing, a killer Doug Stanhope album. Here's about as good of a summation of the problem with American priorities as I can find:
"Who gets more shit than sports players, for doing nothing? You go through your entire life and all the other problems that you have that you ignore wind up on them. You see a guy beating the shit out of his girlfriend in the parking lot and you go 'Nah, don't get involved man, it's none of your business.' And the mullet-headed shitbag next to you at work tells you nigger jokes all week and you want to hit him with a chair, but you go 'I've gotta work with this fuckin' guy so just keep your mouth shut.' George Bush is drilling holes in anything that isn't a fetus, but you go 'We've got to support our president because we're at war.' But you show up on Sunday and a guy drops a ball and you go 'YOU FUCKIN' SUUUUUCK! AAAHHHH!!!! You piece of shit! He dropped the ball! The humanity, you fuckin' asshole! Get him off the field! I hope you get fuckin' cancer, you piece of shit!" - Doug Stanhope
Dougie
posted by: unknown (reply)
post date: 03.24.06 (6:53 pm)
While I appreciate your honesty and openness. I don't appreciate the way you speak of God. I am sorry you feel that way; however, in the end, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord over all. You may want to choose your words carefully, God has a history of wiping people off the face of this earth that have attitudes such as yours. You really need to do some soul searching. It is apparent that you believe in God since you reference Him. That is a lot more than some people do. I am happy to say I am a Christian and have been for 20 years. I am happily married to a wonderful Christian woman and we have a wonderful relationship. When you put God in the center of your marriage, things tend to work better. Maybe you should do some more research before you go off on another tirade.
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 03.24.06 (7:10 pm)
Yeah, that's what I need to do. "Research" your religion. Hey buddy, I was going to be a fucking preacher 20 years ago, I know all about your fucking Christianity. Been there. Knocked on doors to spread the gospel of Jesus. Voted straight Republican tickets out of guilt and fear. I've also hung out with people who UNDERSTAND the words of Christ, who don't confuse them with the other shit in your contradiction-filled collection of random verse known as "The Bible", who actually sorta live by those words, and are far better examples of what it means to follow "Jesus" (or at least the shit somebody wrote about him long after he was dead) than shitbags like you.
And what more should I do? Bow down to a God who "wipes people off the face of the earth" for having a bad attitude? Damn, kind of a harsh little bastard, ain't he? "You called me a poopyhead, I'm gonna cut yer nuts off and burn your house down, you evil Satan-filled cocksucker." Ain't this the same guy who burned two towns full of fags to the ground and turned a guy's wife to salt just to save him and his daughters, just in time for the girls to get Daddy drunk and fuck him? Wow. Good call there, God. Me, I would've saved the faggots. I don't think they tend to fuck their daughters. You know, not being into pussy and all.
Who is this fucking cunt God? Well, a Republican, obviously, but let's be serious. Hey, I'm glad you have a nice marriage and a religion that makes you feel good about yourself. But don't give me your horseshit about "God" fucking with me because YOU don't like some shit I wrote. Take responsibility for your own ideas and stop blaming God for your being a cunt.
posted by: Forgetful Dave (reply)
post date: 03.24.06 (10:14 pm)
Been reading for a while, but never bothered to comment before.
Nice rant! And isn't it nice when someone turns up to prove your point? Of course, it could be satire, but that's the problem - this stuff is so wacked-out that it's self-satirising. Probably makes its own sauce, too.
posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 03.24.06 (11:39 pm)
DAMN GOOD POST!!! I will probably link my readers to it! I could not agree more with you!
posted by: Cutter (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (2:13 am)
Now THIS is what I call GOOD HEAD.
Rock on, dude.
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (4:16 am)
reply to Forgetful Dave:
Makes its own sauce? Dude, that's just fuckin' GAY.
LOL
posted by: Stone (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (5:09 am)
To the Christian gentleman at the top, you should look this up. It will give you a whole new perspective on life and what is truly e-ville:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=munging
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (5:35 am)
reply to Stone:
LMFAO. God bless you, Mr. Stone Martin.
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (5:38 am)
reply to Cutter:
Good head? Dude, it's been a year for me. Don't talk like that or you'll make me all hot. LOL
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 03.25.06 (5:40 am)
reply to bacardibreezer:
Thanks, babe. I knew you'd like it. Oh, have I mentioned how hot your new pics are? I have? Well, they are. :)
posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 03.27.06 (10:24 am)
The thing is, it's not really about gays at all. It's about divisiveness. If somebody runs for president and says that we need a constitutional amendment to protect marriage, then what he's really saying is that he does not want you to vote for the other side because they are godless heathens.
He'll never let it slip that the president has nothing to do with constitutional amendments, or that he'd have a bigger role if he remained as a senator or governor, because Congress can propose and enact amendments, the states must ratify them, and the President has no say whatsoever.
To put it another way, he's trying to get elected by deceit. He does not want to discuss those issues that are both truly important to you and also ones that are part of his job. That would be too simple. Then he'd have to win on his merits. But by dragging gays or flag burning into it, he can try to make it look like the other side actually wants to burn our flag or get straight men to go to "the other side."
If you try to point out that a politician who does these things is immoral simply because he's dishonest, your point will get lost among the clamor of canned responses that seem to have fallen out of the RNC's propaganda machine. Why reason when you can just come back with a snappy retort? And if all else fails, remind people that Clinton made a mockery of the White House by having sex. If that's not a good reason to vote for a Republican, even though Clinton isn't even running, than I don't know what is -- provided that being rational is not an issue here.
posted by: Stone (reply)
post date: 03.27.06 (1:30 pm)
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay+poupon