Today's Post Brought To You By The Letter "A" And The Number "69"

Today's Post Brought To You By The Letter "A" And The Number "69"

The new job sucks less than it could, but still sucks. But I'm remarkably awake, enjoying black beans and rice (heavy on hot sauce and cumin) with Steel Reserve beer - the dinner of chumpions.

The highlight of the day was undoubtedly the newest addition to my Library Of Fuckable Females. How a 22-year old girl can shoot three kids out in 4 years and still look that damn good...holy SHIT that's a body I want to get to know in the Biblical sense. Great rack, incredible little ass. I want to make friends with that ass.

"Hello, ass. My name is Doug. Can I be your friend? I like you, you are a fun person. Since we are friends now, I have a present for you. It looks just like a Telefunken U-47."

By the way, her name is Amanda.

Jesus jumped-up Christ in a Hummer. I'm gonna have a hard time keeping these women who aren't actually fucking me straight. (You know. ALL of them. Dammit.) Maybe I should just start going after women named Amanda. That way, if one of them finally does succumb to my...er..charms...I can just yell "Yes, Amanda! Yes!" and it won't matter which one it is.

So, now I have two Amanda's in my brain, and two other females with names starting with the letter A. So, to make this all more coherent (or not, as the case may be) I give to you Dougie's Guide To the Women I Want To Fuck With Names Starting With The Letter A. Or, for short, The A-Team. I pity the fool who can't tell the difference between the women in my A-Team!

I'm dreadfully sorry. That was just wrong.

Anyway...

A4 - Amanda, the new chick from my new job

A3 - The lawyer/punk-rock chick

A2 - The girl who I don't get to talk to anymore, but I still think about too much. Because I really like her, that's why.

A1 - Amanda from Steak & Shake. She gets to be A1 because 1.) i've known her the longest, 2.) I've put the most work into her and she's the one i really feel I can actually connect with, and 3.) I want to cover her in A-1 steak sauce and lick it off her.

OK, I want to do that last thing with all four of them. At the same time. With leather. A boy can dream, right?

So I spent all day stocking shelves (it's really pretty easy work) and checking out the ass on A4 whenever she walked by. Rack too. God DAMN those are some mighty fine funbags.

(I no longer feel the slightest bit of guilt over my supposedly sexist terminology given what WOMEN talk about. I was filling out paperwork in the front of this new temp agency's office yesterday, and all the women (no guys there that i've seen yet) were in the back apparantly thinking I didn't hear them laughing when one of them started talking in hushed tones about her new boyfriend. "Oh my god, you wouldn't believe the dick on this guy. You could make a double sausage pizza with that thing. Girl, he's got a COCK!" Then a couple of them started making gagging noises, leading to more muffled CHICK-LAUGHTER. When one came around the corner, I made an over-exaggerated snorting noise and smiled at her. She turned six shades of red and hid behind the counter. And no, I'm not making this shit up.)

A couple other nice looking ladies at work, but most of them were frightening. Including my new supervisor. But she's very nice, thanked me kindly for staying an extra 15 minutes to help with clean-up, and gave me no shit whatsoever about needing next Friday off. I'm going to have Katie for three days while Sheryl goes to L.A. to see a Keneally show. Lucky girl. But I'm a lucky boy, because I get more time with my girl.

So even though I'm still more or less fucked on the end of this month cash-wise, at least I can spend May catching up some.

A run down again of The A-Team:

A1 - The girl I'm throwing most of my hopes into, my favorite waitress, the most amazing smile on the planet, and she's got me so far gone I'm even wondering what a long-term thign might be like with her, despite the fact that nothing at all has happened yet. I'm fucking nuts about this one, and I'll need heavy sedation if she shoots my ass down, which I have to accept the possibility of.

A2 - A lovely girl half my age who doesn't want to talk to me anymore and it breaks my heart, but it's probably for the best, but even if it is, I don't really want the best, I just want to talk to her some more. Dammit. That still hurts,.

A3 - A really cute and incredibly interesting lawyer/punk-rock girl who just wants to be friends, and I'm surprised how fine I am with that considering how apeshit I was over her a month or so ago.

A4 - Some girl I work with who is friendly enough but probably doesn't give a shit whether I live or die, but that's OK, because geting to look at her ass ALMOST makes up for how little money i'm making at this stupid job. Not really, but it takes my mind off it for a while.

A5 - Some road in the UK.

Fans of adventurous proggish-yet-rockin' gee-tar work really need to buy Burning The Hard City by Djam Karet. They've done albums that are probably more fully developed and integrate their ambient side in well with this more rockin' stuff, but if you just want the rockin' stuff, this album kicks more ass than an ass-kicking thing. Bass Player magainze called their bassist "Les Claypool's evil twin brother", so if that doesn't sell you (and I'm not sure it's the best description, but the guy fuckin' rules) just fuckin' forget it.

I just ate a whole can of black beans and a cup of rice and i'm STILL hungry. What the fuck? Oh Lord, I might have to finally break down and get into that stack of Ramen noodles. Gawd help me.

Love,
Dougie

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