Wow
05.12.06 (2:01 pm) [edit]She's pissed at me.
I told Amanda I'm moving.
"Well, that's bullshit." And she walked off.
That look on her face...
She came back with coffee.
"You looked like you're pissed at me."
As she walked back to the counter, she said "I wouldn't say pissed, but I am mad. I'm definitely not happy about it."
She said this loud enough for everyone in the place to hear.
Numbness creeping across me. I suddenly felt like shit.
I almost hadn't said anything. I'd written my phone number down, had it on the table ready to go. It's been a while since I felt uncertainty about her. I felt it all the time before, never sure whether to say or do what I wanted to. But recently I felt confident around her. But sitting there when I first went in, I suddenly felt the fear again. I plowed through it anyway.
And got rewarded with anger. Jesus. That look of hurt on her face. Hurt mixed with real live anger.
Without her saying it, without me even asking, I got the answer to my question.
She likes me.
I told her I'd still be by weekly for the next few months, and she seemed to cool down almost immediately. "As long as you still come by sometimes, that's all I care about."
THAT was bullshit. She cares about mroe than that. I could tell in the stiff way she said it. She still isn't letting much out, but I could read her this time.
Suddenly this whole thing really hurts.
She has my number. she said she'd call. "I sure will, now that you're LEAVING ME." Absolute fucking scorn in her eyes when she said that. Jesus Christ.
I haven't quite processed al this yet. I told her i'd be back next week, but I expect that she'll call soon. Now I'm going to be dreading that call and living for it at the same time.
She really likes me. And she's pissed at me for going away. I don't fucking believe it.
I've gotta pack up and go to a gig. I'm tired as hell and numb from this thing with Amanda. I'm either going to rock like a motherfucker or be really lame tonight. I can feel it.
Dougie