Refill The Flagon Of Chuckles!

Refill The Flagon Of Chuckles!

I'm fucking tired.

It took a while to get out of Marion, since Dad needed to do some stuff with the van before letting me take it - it hasn't been driven in the couple months since I alst used it, and has plenty of issues of its own.

I realized I was adding a half hour to my trip by heading towards Indy once I got to Anderson. Total brain fart. So I made a turn to get onto SR38, and...added another 20 minutes onto the drive.

Roy Harper is singing "Sleeping At The Wheel" to me as I type this. And I was. I was incapable of rational thought the entire trip home, having slept maybe three hours after one fuck of a long-ass Saturday.

I mentioned Amanda - she was her typical self yesterday, only letting so much emotion out, trying to disconnect herself. But I DEMANDED a hug, and it was a very sweet one. I could see in her spine-destroying eyes that little flicker of whatever it is she feels for me. Disconnected, yet super-friendly, with that little touch of extra warmth under the harder surface. That's Amanda. I'm really happy I finally saw her again.

My last stop before the accident was for an energy drink near Muncie. The girl behind the counter was slightly chunky, with a round beaming face, and obviously fake red hair. But it worked on her. She was VERY cute. So I told her - "You are really cute." She gave me a very sweet smile, said "thank you", and I left. That was it. My good deed for the day, do it and get out before you try to make it about YOU, fuckhead.

I did it at dinner tonight too. A waitress walked by with the most amazing hair. Obviously dyed, with a fair amount of black, but mostly this odd blonde/silver mix that was very striking. She came by our table and I caught her and said, "You have the most amazing hair. That is COOL."

Her hands went to her hair, she broke out into the hugest wide grin, and I heard quite possibly the most sincere and surprised "Thank you so MUCH!" I've ever got from a woman. Then she was called away, and I let it go. Another good deed for the day. That one felt great, too.

Didn't work half an hour ago, though.

I said NOTHING this time. This girl was ASTOUNDING. The kind of beauty that makes a man CRY. The most perfectly sculpted body in tight but modest clothes. Jeans cut off just below the knee, the most remarkable light skin. Perfectly cut long straight blonde hair, bangs and extra side hair falling around her goddess face. Lips that could kill you. Soft innocent eyes. An aura of delicacy and gentle warmth.

And if she was a day over 17, I'll eat the can this beer is in.

NOTHING I could have said would have come off like anything but the lunatic frothings of a psychosis-laden stalker-creep twice her age. I wanted to fall flat on the floor before her and beg just to be NEAR her. Insanity. Absolute unhinged motherfucking insanity. I had myself believing that I'd never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. Get out. OUT. Your chemicals are twisted beyond rationality, Doug. You haven't slept in a long time and it's fucking with you. You are TIRED. You are WEAK. You are a DOUCHEBAG.

I can be so nicely cynical, so perfectly cold and convinced of the utter waste of time that is involved in ANY of this. Then I turn into CHEESEHEAD DELUXE and want to worship some poor girl who is just trying to buy a Coke at a convenience store. It's like shifting gears in my skull, stripping out the transmission with a hard lurch into LUDICROUS SPEED.

Kill me. Somebody, please.

The girl with the killer hair was at Lone Star. (I always do my best Rick Moranis voice when I see the sign - "LONE STAAAAARRRR!!!!") I picked up Katie finally at 5:00, and we went out for dinner. I've had more meat in the past week than in the past month, but I hadn't had a steak in MONTHS, and was craving one.

Lone Star constantly plays godawful current country music on the PA, but I never seem to mind it there for some reason. I tune it out, treat it as ambience, and enjoy dinner.

A KILLER sirloin, steamed veggies, and the most fucking amazing mushrooms I've had in eons. A giant Goblet Of Doom filled with Amber Bock.

This will be my last voyage into eating that well for a while. I've done a LOT of it in the past couple weeks, and I can't afford it anymore.

Katie was so sweet and fun tonight. She gave me a huge hug, and a kiss on the ear (little nutbar) when I picked her up, and she hugged me tight for an extra moment before she started into playing with my hair and looking at me like I was The Greatest Daddy On Earth.

She's such a great kid, and she's very talkative these days, very funny and sharp and full of surprises and wonder. She also has a bit too much of that Hermoine Granger know-it-all vibe (I think those Harry Potter movies have rubbed off in several ways on her) and is a bit too aggresive about forcing her way on other kids, and seems intent on WINNING AT ALL COSTS, which is kinda cute, but needs the edge taken off. I try to talk to her about this, but I don't think it's gotten through yet. The thing that holds me back from being harder on her is that she's also so friendly in her way. We can walk into a park and she'll see some kid she's never met in her life, and walk right up and say, "Hi, I'm Katie! Wanna play?" How many kids have that? She really does try to be good to other kids, and I don't think she has any idea when she's over-stepping her bounds, so I try to be gentle about it, but it's going to take some more work.

She's going to Marion with me for three nights this coming weekend. Lots of family stuff to work in around the big festival gig. She seemed very disappointed tonight when I told her about M and Layla leaving. she also was cncerned about the accident, and asked me when I first got there if I'd been hurt. We talked about the deer, and I tried to spin it while keeping it real - we love animals, and it's sad when one is hurt, but deer aren't exactly smart. (I can't wait 'til she's old enough for me to say "Deer are cool, but they're also fucking idiots. Here, have some venison.") She turned the tables on me when I left - I always tell her I need my hug and kiss when I leave. Tonight SHE needed it, and we both got it. Little issues aside, I've got an incredible little girl who I'm not lying to when I tell her I love her more than anyone in the world.

Shifted into rockin' mode with Roy Harper - HQ is making my chemicals line back into formation for the week. Gotta go into tomorrow with a good attitude.

Damn, that was some good fuckin' steak tonight.

Love,
Dougie

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