Just Ignore This
10.09.06 (3:04 pm) [edit]I'm in a really foul mood,and I hope picking up Katie in an hour helps, because I ain't enjoying myself. I've lost three hours of productivity out of the seven I've been out of bed just from being STUPID, sleeping bad, and being pissed that I promised myself I wouldn't drink for a week. Add into that waking up to remember all the shit I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING and needs caught up on, and...I'm just like most people, just with a shittier attitude and more dumbass expectations of myself.
I'm really shitty at most things and can't even remember to make enough change at the store to do my fucking laundry, pay bills on time, put gas in the car, clean a toilet, or remember that I need to take out the trash because it's all over the fucking floor. Half of why I don't get laid is because it would take 12 hours to make my one-bedroom apartment presentable to anyone on a social level above crackwhore, and none of the women who'd actually fuck me (read: women closer to my age,certainly not the teen poon I spend half my time drooling over) want to fuck in the back of cars anymore. It's socially unacceptable past age 30, and their back hurts, and they need clean sheets, and I don't have time for that shit.
This is supposed to be funny, by the way.
I went out to make change for laundry. Then got back and realized I HADN'T. I was still a quarter short. Jesus fucking shit, LOOK IN YOUR POCKET, assface.
So I go out AGAIN, and I'm walking out of the store and there's half a dozen high school kids out there.One of them yellsatme,"Hey. why are you wearing those wrists braces?"
"Because I had your mom in a really weird position last night, and her fat ass fell over and broke both my wrists when my hands got yanked out from where they were, shithead. You might not recognize her when you get home. I shaved her back."
"Fucker!"
I made two really hot 17-year old girls (and three boys, one of whome was making Shithead sit down)laugh their asses off at the expense of some fucking goofball. These are my hobbies now.
Love,
Dougie
posted by: d9 (reply)
post date: 10.09.06 (3:34 pm)
"You might not recognize her when you get home. I shaved her back."
Oh, fuck, man. I'm laughing my balls off. Gotta remember this one.
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 10.09.06 (6:00 pm)
I stole that part directly from a Sam Kinison album.:)