Rollercoaster Of Love

Rollercoaster Of Love

The band has a new lineup.

We had a six hour practice tonight. I went from tired to irritable to awake to tired to wide the fuck awake and dreaming.

P is gone. To make the story concise, she ran afoul of the law, it affected practice time and nearly affected a gig, and she lied to us about it. We have too much shit on the shelf to fuck with all that.

I played guitar on 17 songs tonight, and A is probably going to hand me at least half a dozen more.

It was a BLAST. Certain points made me nuts, as we tried to hammer out some things that weren't going anywhere and didn't really need worked on (we suddenly seemed to be into working out new endings where the old ones were either fine or the new ideas were worse), but I suffered through that shit and finally hit a groove. Then, after all the stuff I played bass on, I switched to guitar.

I thought I was right on the borderline of playing utter shit, but the other guys LOVED what I was doing. It was either songs with strictly rhythm, or songs that required little more than basic blues/rock licks, and my approach to that runs from the gee-can-I-be-tasteful here to a sort of low-rent Zappa-esque mangle/strangle pentatonic six-string assfuck. We did our two Kinks songs and the singer said, "You sound like Dave Davies!" I suppose that means he was suffering from carpal tunnel and his left hand had locked up on him in the middle of those solos too. Hey, wait - wasn't that Jimmy Page doing his session thing on the Kinks' You Really Got Me? THAT'S it! I just need to DRINK more! Woo hoo!

it's uber-simple (though I hadn't learned it on guitar since I thought A was playing it, so he showed me the part in about 14 seconds) but the most fun I had was on Zevon's Werewolves Of London. I kinda want to make that my extended solo, just to blow my white-person load on top of that groove.

The "what next" conversation afterwards took about ten seconds. This is the new lineup.

And I'm still here. Wondering how the fuck I'm going to do it.

I'm at my parents' right now. They're gone for the weekend. I'm getting up early in the morning and going back to Ohio, and I'll likely stay in and just chill with Katie most of the day.

This is not getting any easier. It's harder than ever. The guys are all offering ways of making me stay, none of which works well for me, but to have them WANT me to stay so bad just fucks with my head. And there are some ways of doing this that might work, I'm just terrified of the logistics.

A works at a music store, what was the competitor to the one I used to teach at. And he could quite possibly hand me a dozen students right now.

That's not enough. But if I had a dozen here at the end of the week and that many in Ohio at the beginning of the week...

I don't think it will happen. But my ONLY hope for continuing the three-hour back and forth psychotic bipolar mindfuck between the band here and my girl down there is to make as much money in as little time as I can. Teaching is the only thing I'm cut out for that can do that for me right now. I don't have time to go to any other alternatives, and those are no guarantee. Well, maybe if I sucked dick for a living, and at this point, I'm not even sure I give a damn anymore.........

Then I have to figure out what I'm going to do when my car shits on my head, which could happen at any time.

God fucking DAMN it. This is worse than having my bass stolen. I'm still stuck between two things I love, and I have no decent answer right now. I have access to more basses. I don't have the money that it will take to make this ridiculous life in two worlds work.

I asked for a life on the edge of my ability to navigate, and I fucking got it. But what else do I do? Cave into a life of shitty warehouse jobs that suck my soul out and leave me dead and trying to stuff my face into a bottle by 5PM on Monday through Friday? FUCK that. I'm not interested. My parents seem to think the answer is to make another four bucks an hour at one of these cunt-hair 40-hour a week shitstain jobs. How fucking PATHETIC do you have to be to let that be the measure of your success?

Take it away, Mr. Dylan:

They say ev'rything can be replaced,
Yet ev'ry distance is not near.
So I remember ev'ry face
Of ev'ry man who put me here.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

They say ev'ry man needs protection,
They say ev'ry man must fall.
Yet I swear I see my reflection
Some place so high above this wall.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

Standing next to me in this lonely crowd,
Is a man who swears he's not to blame.
All day long I hear him shout so loud,
Crying out that he was framed.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

A boy can dream, can't he?

Wanna buy some lithium, Bob?,
Dougie

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