I'll Be Homo For Christmas
11.24.06 (11:02 pm) [edit]I love my band, but every once in a while, somebody will come up with an idea so terrifying, of such Lovecraftian horror, that I must find a way to shield my eyes while I play my bass.
FIVE Christmas songs to learn. Fucking FIVE.
Blue Christmas? OK, I can handle that. Mellencamp's version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus? That's kinda cute, I can deal with that. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree? OK, whatever. Springsteen's Santa Claus Is Coming To Town? It's so ridiculous I'd HAVE to derive some enjoyment from it.
Jingle Bell Rock.
Jingle Motherfucking Bell Goddamn Rock.
Guys and gals, I have no quarrel with our homosexual friends and neighbors, and I'll suck your cock myself if you doubt me. Like I have any kind of reputation to defend or protect at this point in my spiritual growth. Fuck it. I'm all for my queer buddies, because they are helping to keep traffic volume down. Suck a cock for me, boys.
That said, Jingle Bell Rock is FUCKING GAY. That song is gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys. With a dick left over to go in the ear. "Mmmmph! Mmmmph! Happy holidays, sweetie! Ow! Not so fucking hard this time! Ow! Ow!" I know gay guys who would say "Oh my God, that's fucking GAY!"
I'm just gonna close my eyes, play the fucking bass part, and pray for rain. I'm listening to some Mars Volta right now just to ease the pain. I don't know what the fuck an exoskeleton has to do with the rest of this post, but I'm screaming along with it so I can cleanse myself of Jingle Queer Cock.
Love,
Dougie
posted by: d9 (reply)
post date: 11.24.06 (9:31 pm)
So don't you get to pick a song here and there? Make 'em learn "Fairytale of New York" - I'll show up and cheer when you play it.
posted by: jhillst (reply)
post date: 11.24.06 (9:33 pm)
What, no Carol of the Bells? No John Coltranization of My Favorite Things? Nothing off the "Merry Snoopy's Christmas" album by the Royal Guardsmen? Jesus, and I thought *I* had a shitty band...
Oh well. Good tidings and shit.
Oh well.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 11.25.06 (3:10 pm)
The flamer shirts weren't your first clue?! ;)
posted by: Yogi (reply)
post date: 11.26.06 (8:43 am)
See if they'll trade it for "Christmas Time Is Here", which everyone knows is the best Christmas song. Guitar Player even published a transcription with all the chords in this month's mag.
posted by: CinciGreg (reply)
post date: 11.29.06 (10:50 am)
There was a local punk band about 20 years ago that did a killer instrumental cover of Carol of the Bells, I think the band was called "BPA."
Some holiday songs have great melodies, but I've never liked rock versions of xmas songs. Except that one. Think about what you could do with Carol of the Bells... (I think that's the title, you will know the song.)