Bedtime Stories

Bedtime Stories

11.27.06 (12:01 am)   [edit]
Just got off the phone with Sheryl. Sounds like she had a great day too, and I really enjoy talking to her about our girl. It was a very nice conversation.

We had a fun drive back, and she took a short nap at the end of it. Then we came home and watched a ridiculous movie called Hoodwinked, a spin on the Little Red Riding Hood story. Patrick Warburton as the voice of the wolf - PERFECT.

Katie loved the little caffiene-buzzing squirrel. I liked the extreme-sports-loving Granny. (Voiced by Glenn Close.) And Andy Dick does the bad guy's voice, which is...well, I'm glad Andy Dick turned out to be good for SOMETHING. Nice to know.

I worked part of that movie into her bedtime story.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl and her daddy. And they drove to Indiana to see her grandparents and aunt and cousins. But on the way, a crazy squirrel ran in front of the car and rammed his face into the windshield and went "bog085jgoijgutbrnor tgvirtmbs;tfg;orv;r."

(That's my typed version of the squirrel on a caffiene buzz. Work with me here, you fucks. This is for the KIDS, damn you.)     

And once they made him pee in the cheese toilet until the caffiene was gone, he finally settled down and told them, "You're going the wrong way. If you drive this way, you'll drive into the woods and hit a tree."

So they turned around, and the squirrel was right! They drove in  the right direction, and the squirrel said "novglrvgnsgmvprtmgb kpsrt"

(She's looking at me with the best face-of-joyous-anticipati on at this point...)

So they had a happy holiday with their family, and she came to see her daddy play music, and fell asleep before he did terrible sadistic things with a whammy bar during a Kinks song.

(OK, I just added that part in...)

Then they went out into the woods by Grandma's house, the woods that Daddy had played in when he was five years old. And they saw all kinds of animals. They saw deer and birds and squirrels sitting around the coffee table going "nourevjgngresvgpr,k gpodrskgpors,kgre;skg;&qu ot;

By the way, Katie, I don't know if you realized this, but the woods has a coffee table right in the middle of it. It's a table, and it has coffee on it. And the squirrels LOVE it there.

Then the daddy helped his beautiful little girl climb up in a tree, and they climbed together to the very top and looked down into the woods, and saw all the other trees, and all the animals, and they had a very good view of the woods for miles and miles and miles around.

Then they climbed down and sat around the coffee table with all the other animals and drank coffee and played with animals and went "odsnvo;rejvgfjglrgs rtk;lstrtlvgbkrt"

And the moral of the story is that if you drink too much coffee, you'll get deer poop on you.


She closed her eyes with a content smile and laid her head on the pillow. I was telling her the other story about the mommy and daddy who had the amazing little daughter that they were so proud of when she fell asleep.

Oh yeah, and I almost told the Aristocrats joke onstage last night, but the singer stopped me.

Sorry, had to loosen this post up some. But man, I had a great day with the kid today.

Happy,
Doug