Myspace Is So Fuckin' Funny Sometimes
12.22.06 (8:22 am) [edit]I get stupid shit like this six times a day. I never get women in REAL LIFE coming up to me like this six times a day, just online. Wouldn't that be great? Standing in line at the store and some killer hot Taylor Rain-esque babe comes up, "I just saw the way you picked out that tomato you are buying, and I thought I'd come over here and talk, because you are obviously a wonderful man i can spend the rest of my life with and have all the qualities I ever looked for, and would you like me to suck your cock now? Oh, give me $24.99 out of that grocery change and you can have these pictures."
Hello
My name is (like it matters). I need a matured man like you who know how to love and care for young Lady like me. Actually, i saw your pic and i really felt i should contact you. May be you will be the kind of man i am looking for. I will really love to have you as mine and only one to be. I really need a man who is caring, understanding, compassionate, loving, nice, faithful and God fearing. I strongly believe you should have all those qualities listed. This is my yahoo Im (slutbagwhorefacecuntspra ylyingpieceofshit). you can contact me so we can chat and get to know each other.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Yep, GOD-FEARING. There's a quality you need to have before you check out their page and pull the credit card out. Lots of God-fearing folk lookin' for pussy online. These are times I wish there WAS a God, just so he could pull a Sodom & Gomorrah over at the house of the one stupid motherfucker who sends out these messages at random using 30 different user names. How much ya wanna bet it's some fat guy like me?
Or maybe it's Stanhope. Come to think of it, now I get it. Excuse me while I go create thirty different profiles with pics I stole from a porn site and fuck mercilessly with fat guys who can't get laid.
This will be my message.
Hello
I saw your stinking repulsive picture on your profile and thought to myself, "This is the kind of man I want to cornhole me in the back of an alley after I score some junk." You have all the qualities I look for in a man - shallowness, emptiness, lack of moral fiber, carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly jacking off to pictures of girls you could not possibly ever get in the sack. I think you are the man of my dreams, or at least a few nightmares about blubbering idiots sweating and drooling on me from behind. My corn-chute is anxiously awaiting your disease-riddled loving. Come to my page and click on my link and give me money, and maybe someday I'll show up at your front doorstep and kick you in the balls while your wife screams "Who is this whore, Delbert???" and calls the cops. Have a nice night, sweetykins. Love, Barbie.
Why am I caring about this shit right now at 8AM? In 11 hours, I'm getting laid! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love (and special sauce), Dougie
posted by: Spoooooooooooooooooooooock! (reply)
post date: 12.22.06 (8:57 am)
I like it. Make it happen.
posted by: eraserhead667 (reply)
post date: 12.22.06 (9:00 am)
I sent that off to Stanhope. I'm expecting a reply along the lines of "You unoriginal sack of shit, I've been doing that for months now." And after all, I DID steal the phrase "corn chute" from him...
posted by: musicalhair (reply)
post date: 12.22.06 (9:34 pm)
I was thinking the same thing. I was checking out two freinds, musicians, my space pages and they've got all the hot chicks all over their page. I was like, "where were these girls when I was in high school, or anywhere for that matter" where ever they are, they ain't where I am. They must have seen me first as I was walking in.