Fire
01.08.07 (11:19 pm) [edit]"I have only one burning desire
Let me stand next to your fire"
- Jimi Hendrix
"Danger Girl
Make me burn, I wanna learn
What makes you into you
I'm totally shot through
With desire for you
You're one of the few
That can add flavor to this stew
Make me feel brand new
Serve it up, help me steer this Black Pearl
My little Danger Girl."
- DB, work in progress
Caitlin knows how to make a guy happy.
I pulled in for gas, and heard her voice. "Pump Five, you're ready to go."
Yep.
"Hey Doug, did you get my myspace message?"
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I walked in. "You took the time to find me on myspace?"
She looked like it was no big deal. Me...I felt a lot better...
She wants to set me up with one of her friends. 23, blonde, has a daughter. Caitlin says she's crazy, reminds her of herself.
"If she's half as inspiring as you, I know I'll like her."
She seemed to like that. Very clear that I'll never be with this one, but I'm happy just to stand next to her fire. Gawd, the shit she shoots through my veins...
By the way, I DIDN'T get the message. Drove stupidly the whole way back and it wasn't there. So what the fuck, I called her at the store a few minutes ago. She said her computer had been fucked up and might have crapped out in the middle of sending it, so she'll try again.
Rob Fetters - fellow Cincinnati-area resident, killer writer/guitarist for the Bears and the Psychodots, co-conspirator with one of my idols, Adrian Belew - his album Lefty Loose - Righty Tight is my soundtrack tonight. He's a motherfucker, check him out.
It was a shit day while the sun was still sorta out. I felt worse today than I have in a long time. Very unfocused, very sexually frustrated, very bipolar. I was virtually useless most of the day.
I realized later that it was mostly fatigue, still catching up from the ridiculous weekend. But for a while, I was convinced I was going to snap. I would have called out for professional help, but I'm fucking broke.
I went off to teach my new students, sucked down a low-carb Monster energy drink, found my groove, and was in much better shape from there on.
Teaching guitar isn't my favorite thing on the planet, but I do derive some pleasure from it, especially when the student in question actually gives a shit, and it's a nice way to make some money quick.
Thirty more students and I might be OK.
Waking up a little helped, sharing music with others helped. Caitlin REALLY helped.
There's a lot going on in my head, and I've been questioning a lot of shit today. Conversations with D were interesting, and I think we've both come to realize that we need to back off a bit, not be so raw with each other. It's setting up too many expectations. I'm glad that she's asserting herself with me. It puts me back in my place, and I know that I've come to look at her in a way that isn't very healthy or considerate.
Too much interior shit to still work through. I was sure earlier today that I couldn't do it. But with a couple flashes of inspiration, I'm back on the track. This shit takes time. I have to remind myself of that constantly.
But goddamn, I wanna stand next to her fire...
Love,
Dougie