Where's My Lawnmower?

Where's My Lawnmower?

"I never was a normal citizen. That's why I'm doing this shit. Because I have no job skills, man. Outside of 'lout', 'alcoholic', 'cad'. So I have to do this. I really have no choice. But I do have a job skill now as a country and western hillbilly singer. I can't fuckin' sing! I can't fuckin' hit a tune! I fuckin' have a liver the size of a fuckin' chair! Okay! I know how to write a tear-jerker and I know how to ride a lawn mower. So that's next. Seriously, that's what I want to do. Honestly, I want to become a fuckin' hillbilly singer. 'Cause those guys got it made, man. Shit happens to them and they immediately put it out and it does gold. My dog died. Ding. A hit!"
- Al Jourgensen (Ministry, Revolting Cocks, 1000 Homo DJs)


Here, have a Dwight Yoakam song I recorded right on the edge of drunkeness:

www.extrafancy.net/doug/ItWon'tHurt.mp3

Love,
Dougie

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Booze does strange things to memory.

I sat here listening to myself sing about heartache and misery and remembered a night nine months ago that I shot pool and drank beer with a lawyer/punk-rock-girl while listening to a country band.

So I called her. Shit, I'm drunk. Why not?

She's seeing the same guy she's been with since...uh...two weeks after I went out with her. She asked if my band was playing anywhere nearby, and I told her we're not far from her at the end of March. She apologized for not returning my last phone call, at least three months ago. Seemed to actually kinda give a shit.

Jesus Fucking Christ. I need more rum.

This shot's for you, Ashley.

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Been a while since I've been Reznored. I'm pulling out NIN's The Fragile. How can I feel so good and assured and so fucking shitty and alone all at the same time? I think I'll find the answer here.+

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Misplaced my copy of The Fragile. The Downward Spiral makes a good substitute.

Stanhope cancelled his Austin gigs due to weather. I told him he's a pussy and needs to come up to Cincy and drink with me. Fucking cocksucker. If you're gonna rule the free world, ya gotta have a contigency plan, fuckface.