My Prayer
01.29.07 (9:36 pm) [edit]"Hey I know what to do
I'm gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you
Fuck you."
- Soundgarden, "Big Dumb Sex"
Dear sweet Jesus, who died for my sins and is currently behind a rock yelling "Hey, let me the fuck outta here!"
I am nothing without the blood you sacrficed, and therefore, I'm asking for some shit, my Nailed-Up Buddy.
Dear loving Christ-on-a-stick Jesus, send me a hot redhead 17-year old girl who thinks that this (holds up pinky finger) is 11 inches.
My Savior, who once made a cock crow three times. Make MY cock crow ONCE, and I might believe in your shit again, Jew-boy.
Son of God, Master of Truth, Dead Guy Whose Story Has Been Over-Inflated By Shitbags Trying To Make Me Give Them Money - I beseech Thee. Send me an endless supply of roofies and duct tape, so that My Will may be done.
Jesus H. Fuckin' Christ, my Heavenly Lord. Give her tits I could lose my skull between, a pussy that tastes like a fresh draught of Guinness, and a constant craving to impersonate a Hoover. If she drives a really fast car and owns stock in the Johnny Walker company, that would be an added bonus, Mr. Jeezus.
Do this, and I promise I'll keep laughing at your stupid fucking followers anyway.
A-fucking-men,
Dougie
(Currently reading Bart D. Ehrman's The Lost Gospel Of Judas, which is VERY fuckin' cool.)