I'm Schizophrenic, And So Am I

I'm Schizophrenic, And So Am I

Conversation inside my head today.

"Well, got our bread, a bottle of wine, some herring...uh...HOLY SHIT. Did you SEE that?"

"Dude, look away."

"Fuck you, she's AMAZING."

"She's ILLEGAL."

"Oh come on, she's gotta be at least 20."

"That's what you say about every woman who turns out to be 17."

"17 ain't illegal, assface."

"No, but this one is. Trust me."

"She...OK...something about her eyes...nah, she's gotta be 18."

"You are fucking delusional, dipfuck."

"Maybe I should just ask her."

"Sure, why not? It's your funeral, dickhead."

"Hey, aren't you the one who told me to stick with D? See how THAT worked out? Aren't you the bag of shit that makes me fall for women my own age who just happen to have control of my paycheck? FUCK you."

"OK, point proven. But they aren't gonna send you to jail."

"Oh, lick my asshole. I'm gonna go hit on the 12-year old."

"I didn't say she was 12. I said she's not 16."

"Fuck you, I bet she's 39."

"You're a walking penis."

"And you, my friend, are the nutsack. Shut the fuck up and come along for the ride. I've got the pointer, you're just the goddamn rollers."

"You're a shit excuse for a poet."

"And you're the worst excuse for a conciense imaginable."

"Good, now we're even."

"Not until I fuck that girl we're not, assbag."

"Fine, go ahead. I did my best."



"Excuse me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old are you?"

The motherfucker was right.

"Thank you. Have a good night."

I almost RAN from the fucking store.



"Told ya."

"Fuck you."

"Spankin' time again."

"Burn in hell, monkeyboy."

"You were gonna stick your dick in that, weren't you?"

"Shut up."

"Ahh, yes, the underage poon. You were gonna fuck and chew on that like..."

"SHUT UP."

"Ya wonder what that pussy looks like?"

"I"m trying not to think about it. Shut the fuck up."

"Like a..."

"SHUT UP."

"You know how Hicks put it. Like a..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"Like a wisp of cotten candy framing a papercut."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH HHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ;



I am the hood ornament,
Dougie