Progress Is Being Made

Progress Is Being Made

09.23.04 (5:40 pm)   [edit]
In today's news, folk/pop singer Cat Stevens is a new terrorist threat, yet 15 airports failed security tests, allowing undercover inspectors to sneak through with weapons, knives, and explosives.

Glad to see we have our homeland security shit together.

Donald Rumsfeld, my favorite full-time Beelzebub impersonator, said today that elections in Iraq might have to "exclude" certain sections of the country because of violence. Wow! There's a novel idea! In a country where "progress is being made", it's so fucking violent that SOME parts of the country will get to vote and some won't. Isn't that convenient! Given that the less violent sections are probably more likely to vote for the Bush administration's puppet leader than, say, guys with assault rifles chopping the heads off of Americans, this certainly sounds like a true democratic effort to me. We better start praying that these fucking hurricanes go away soon, or select counties in Florida might be exempt from our lovely exercise of freedom in November.

Here's a quote from Rummy:

"If there were to be an area where the extremists focused during the election period, and an election was not possible in that area at that time, so be it. You have the rest of the election and you go on. Life's not perfect,"

No, life isn't perfect. Neither is government. Or even "democracy" for that matter, but this cavalier attitude to the supposed "freedom" we are bringing to Iraq should give a little bit of a hint of what these fuckhole's priorities really are. When SOME of the people get to vote but not others, that's NOT FREEDOM. Freedom is when only a small percentage of people CHOOSE to vote. You know, like in America.

Then Rumsfeld comes in with:

"I shouldn't be saying this because I just don't know enough about it. It's something the ambassador is working on."

Uh, OK. Shooting your mouth off without knowing what you're talking about. Who the fuck do you think you are, George Bush?

"They are making progress at a time when the extremists are chopping people's heads off," Rumsefeld says.

Damn, that's some progress. And to think that just a couple years ago they were merely living their lives and enjoying little things like electricity. The progress we've made! We're up to beheadings! We're halfway there!

Of course, the progress is so great that Rummy says the US commander over there might be asking for more troops soon. Yep, sounds like we've got our shit together. More and more of the country slipping away from our control, people getting their heads chopped off, and our troops being worn down and in need of backup. Fuck it, let's just shut down the Kerry campaign right now and give Bush that four more years. He's a great leader!

Finally, Rumsfeld's response to the recent CIA report forecasting more trouble to come in Iraq, was that this report is based on info that's "Four or five months old." Shit! We can't have that! We have to base our actions on intelligence that's YEARS old! How the fuck do you think we got into this to begin with! Imagine!

Oh, and he also says that our leaders "understand that you cannot over a sustained period of time permit safe havens and sanctuaries within a country that will allow the enemies of that country to continue attacking it and destroying it."

So, uh, in other words, you've got to fight a war. Can we just get to the point without these convoluted bullshit statements that mean absolutely NOTHING? Apparantly in the case of Donald Rumsfeld, we can't.

Love,
Dougie