Another Day In The American Fuckocracy
10.05.04 (7:40 pm) [edit]NASCAR officials proved today that they can be just as stupid as the FCC when they fined and took points away from Dale Earnhart Jr. for saying the word "shit" on television.
My first question, and it's one I've wondered a few times this year, is pretty simple - where the fuck is the guy who "beeps" people in these situations? They have these fucking devices to protect easily offended people from the harsh realities of everyday speech, why don't they USE them? I saw it happen, he said the word the same way most of us do, as a part of normal speech, without thinking about it. He didn't jump out of his car and start screaming "SHIT!!!!" at the fucking cameras. Which, come to think of it, would make for more interesting television. I think that would make sporting events fun. "You ran me off the road and I had to take another goddamn pit stop! Motherfucker! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit!" I guaran-damn-tee you that's how they FEEL sometimes. Make it part of the event. If you don't want it on regular TV, put it on HBO. People will be talking about it like they do The Sopranos. "Did you see it last night? Tony whacked another snitch, and Jeff Gordon ran his car right over some pit-worker's head for not putting enough gas in the tank. it was fuckin' great!"
With all the wretched crap that happens in this world, people still make an issue of of this NON-ISSUE. You know what? If you want to never be offended, and if you simply must "protect the children" from these horrible, terrible combinations of four letters, STAY THE FUCK INSIDE. Burn your TV and radio, don't read anything but Dr. Seuss books, and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those of us who are concerned with the things that ACTUALLY MATTER will not miss you. We'll be busy trying to explain things like death, corrupt government, and schoolyard bullies to our children. You know, the things that AFFECT children. I'd hate to see how one of these pseudo-moral douchebags deals with having to tell the kid that Daddy got flattened by a drunk driver and you'll never see him again. They'll probably tell the poor child that he's in Heaven now, a concept that will fuck up a kid's mind FAR worse than the words "shit", "fuck", or "oversensitve sack of douchefuck" ever will. You want to do your child a favor? Show him/her a picture of George W. Bush, and say "Honey, this man is a fuck, shit, asshole, cocksucker, goddamn cunt. And if you ever say any of those words, he'll come into your room and eat your head." Then when a guy on TV says the word, the kid can pray to your invisible god to have mercy on the poor fucker. And when Donald Rumsfeld comes on the tube, grab your kid, shield his eyes, and run screaming to the basement. Because THOSE motherfuckers are more dangerous to you and your children's future than Dale Jr., Bono, or a whole crateful of Jackson family titties will ever be.
So I read more news, and said "fuck" a few times myself, because THAT'S WHERE IT COMES FROM. You wanna hear the word a few times? Come around here while I'm reading about things like the Independent Women's Forum being awarded part of a $10,000,000 grant to "train" Iraqi women in the ways of our so-called "democracy."
Who is the IWF, you may ask? A group of conservative women who would be baking cookies and wishing they had the right to vote if not for the "liberal feminists" they apparantly feel the need to counter with their special little bridge club. These ignorant CUNTS (their organization partly founded by Lynne Cheney, you know, the woman who actually has to fuck Lucifer on a semi-regular basis, and I hear Dick doesn't use lube) claim that their group was "established to combat the women-as-victim, pro-big-government ideology of radical feminism," Oooh! Radical feminism! What a major threat! You want to know what one of the bad things that "radical feminists" came up with? Governments guaranteeing maternity leave with pay, and child-care. FUCK! SHIT! GODDAMN! FUCKING CHRIST ON A BLOODY GODDAMN FUCKSTICK!
Oops, here comes the FCC.
So, if I've got this right, these liberal pussies who hate American freedom are depraved enough not to realize that women who have jobs should be pretty much fucked right in their ass the second after the kid comes out, denied the time to spend those crucial first weeks bonding with their child (something that fucking RODENTS know enough to do) denied pay from their companies (who apparantly weren't helped out enough already by having most of Bush's tax cut coming their way) and if they want child-care, they *certainly* can't expect *any* help from either the government (who, after all, can't be taking time off from its job of protecting the general welfare by doing things that...uh....protect the general welfare) or from their employer, who might be inconvenienced by such petty mundane things as making sure that their employees aren't distracted from doing their jobs by wondering if their kid isn't BEING EATEN ALIVE BY RABID WOLVES.
FUCK these women. Well, don't. I wouldn't fuck them with your dick. Yes, even you women reading this. Your dick. Come on, I've seen those websites, you have one. Shit, we KNOW Ann Coulter does.
Women out there, do me a favor. If a woman you know has been bullshitted by men into thinking this way, beat their ass with a large dildo. And make sure to get pictures.
What else is pissing me off today? Oh, I know. I guess I'd somehow missed this until just last week, but I read a friggin' amazing article last week that I stumbled on while reading up on some of the congressional candidates in my area.
I had NO idea this existed, but apparantly more and more schools are adopting "pay-to-play" sports programs, because they don't have the money to have sports otherwise. WHAT THE FUCK? When I was a kid, I thought schools placed too MUCH importance on sports, and now a kid has to PAY for it? Sometimes in the hundreds of dollars? What the fuck is this? Now I don't give two shits about sports myself, but it serves a purpose. It gives the kids who play them some balance, some self-worth, some goals, and - unless an older person is too stupid to press it - some incentive to get their academic work done. It used to be "If you get bad grades, you don't get to be on the team." Apparantly now, it's "If you don't help me sell Grandma's jewelry on eBay, you don't get to be on the team." Or eat, in this increasingly fucked-up country. I guess kids now should just sit in class then go straight home and sit in front of the TV. There's just not enough money for anything else.
Now, don't misunderstand me, this stuff apparantly has been going on for a long time, but the frequency of it has gone through the roof in the last few years. The states are cutting back on things like this because they HAVE NO MONEY. And it's not just cutting back sports, there's teachers buying supplies out of their OWN POCKETS, kids using outdated books, and based on the clueless cunt who taught my ninth-grade Algebra class, even some of the TEACHERS aren't worth two shits. Unfortunately, the many of them who ARE worth far more than that are gettng *paid* shit and are recieving little if any help to make their jobs easier. And if you have a roomful of 20 or 30 of those little fuckers, somebody better be trying to make it a little bit easier on you, goddammit. Teachers get NO real respect in this country. People like my Dad actually will say they get paid too MUCH. And my Dad, to the best of my knowledge, HAS NEVER USED DRUGS. How the fuck ignorant do you have to BE to say shit like that? The *shitty* teachers get paid too much. You can cut THEIR pay all you want until they quit and go find another job where they aren't fucking things up for kids. But the ones who *do* their job should get paid VERY well, because they are in charge of THE FUTURE WORK FORCE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY. You don't question the salary of a teacher (or the adequate funding of a school system) who can help a whole group of kids (save the few dismal little fuckers who will always be around no matter what) learn and grow and become useful members of society. You HIRE OUT ORAL SEX straight from the national budget for these people. If a teacher can get through to my daughter and help her learn, I want that person to be happy, healthy, wealthy, and blown.
But we're not doing that. In current times, Bush is giving average people back just enough tax money to let them know how FUCKED they are, and spending the rest on building schools in IRAQ, instead of using it for shit that actually helps people HERE. This is the stuff taxes are FOR. You know, making the country A BETTER PLACE. There's always some idiot that asks the question "Well, why should my tax money go to pay for schools? I don't even have kids." These people are SELFISH IGNORANT FUCKS who should be forced to get three meals a day from a Taco Bell drive-through so they can get A REALLY GOOD LOOK at the reason why education is important in this country. I guarantee you that if you have to repeat the phrase "two chicken soft tacos and a large Pepsi" to some dumbass 17-year old Limp Bizkit fan enough times, you're gonna wonder why the fuck somebody in the government isn't looking into why kids are so fucking stupid. Then, when some barely-educated little punkass hits you over the head with a brick, steals your wallet, and breaks all the windows out of your car, I think you MIGHT wonder a.) Why the fuck their single mom with two jobs didn't have adequate daycare so they could learn from an early age that you DON'T DO THAT SHIT and b.) Why somebody didn't make schools into something other than a place to shove the little bastards off for a few hours and recite facts and figures at them, when they COULD make education something children ENJOY. And don't give me that shit about how it isn't supposed to be fun, because it IS fun. Watch a little kid, like my three-year old. She LOVES learning new stuff. All kids that age do unless their mom was guzzling Jack Daniels with dinner during pregnancy. And somewhere along the line, we fuck that up and make learning a boring, pointless exercise that's really only done to give the kid just enough information to grow into a dull, shallow, consumer fuck robot who performs some basic task to keep the nation moving just enough to not come screeching to a halt.
Let your kid play ball. Let 'em have a book. And since we all know now that television is nothing but an immoral cesspool of potty-mouth and naked boobies, shut the fucking TV off and DEMAND that they play ball and read a book. Eventually, they'll thank you for it.
Love,
Dougie