Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts

11.01.04 (9:15 am)   [edit]
I hate when my eyes play tricks on me. I came out of the chiropractor's office this morning and a sign outside seemed to say "Bin Laden" on it. It actually said "Coin Laundry." I think I've been paying too much attention to the news...

That John Edwards sure is a cute little hunk of southern love, ain't he?

According to Republicans, John Kerry not only wants to raise your taxes, he wants to ban the Bible. You know what? I'm starting to like this whole "liberal" thing...

I've had my heart warmed by seeing more Kerry signs in people's yards in this area than I expected, and I put one in ours. Though i'm still not sure exactly what the purpose is. I suppose it's for those undecided voters. they pop the kids into the back of the station wagon and go out for a drive, counting yard signs. Whoever has the most signs gets their vote. Sounds like responsible citizenship to me!

No matter what the Bravo network says, Jaws is not the scariest movie of all time. Great movie, I love the thing, but the rest of their top 10 was scarier. Nearly the rest of the whole 100 in that long-ass countdown was. Any movie that I sat through at age 7 at a drive-in theatre without completely pissing myself is not the scariest movie of all time. Period.

I refuse to eat candy corn this year...

More kids are coming up wih less interesting Halloween costumes. I saw more kids last night than ever before who either dressed up in black clothes and put a hat on, or just put on their football uniform. That's not Halloween, that's not even a good Arbor Day outfit. It doesn't have to be scary (though I enjoy Frankenlizards and 11-year old vampires as much as anyone) and even the kid in the Spongebob suit got my attention, because hey, I dig Spongebob. I just want to see something I don't see every day, that's all I ask. But if you don't look any weirder than the guys who ask me for quarters on Vine Street, or the kids who pulled off Columbine (fucking goth freaks) then you don't deserve my Tootsie Rolls.

I think Bill Maher has been boinking Ann Coulter on the side. He wouldn't be that nice to ANYONE else who says the dumb shit she said on his show this past Friday. If that had been Bill O'Reilly, Maher would have been right up his ass quicker than...well...Bill O'Reilly's vibrator...

If you're ever in the northern part of Cincinnati and you need some good Thai food, check out the Delight Thai Cafe on Montgomery Rd, just south of Fields-Ertel next to Union Cemetery. I sold off some used CDs just to have lunch there last week. Nice folk, and I swear, they must go outside and pull those veggies out of the ground, clean 'em off, and chop 'em onto your plate right there.

If I didn't have to go to the grocery store, I'd never have to hear Phil Collins songs ever again...

Flags should not be "Fuck Your Country, You Damn Euros And Arabs" symbols. I'm sick of rednecks with flags all over their trucks pretending that our country is better than all those other ones that they've never even left our country to go visit any of before. I like the flag. I'm all for flag-as-symbol-of-nationa l-pride. But there's a difference between "pride" and "arrogant shithead" and Americans are way too proficient at crossing that line. Even if we ARE "The Greatest Country In The World" (a debatable idea, that) can we pretend that we don't notice? The kid on the playground who walks around saying he can kick everyone's ass and his dad has a bigger dick than your dad is usually the guy who grows up to be an alcholic janitor working third shift at a fucking mattress factory. The kids who DON'T strut around like they own the planet are often also the ones who take the time to READ, and who also don't inspire large groups of other kids to finally gang up on them and pound their ass into the dirt because they're sick of hearing their shit. Be proud of your country, but don't be an asshole. Can we handle that? I think we can. We just need someone with a crowbar to pull our head out of our stupid ass first.

Osama Bin Laden has to stop stealing my act. Now, I want to see this guy strung up and beaten like a pinata as much as the next Bud Lite drinker, and let there be no doubt that if this election was between that asshole and Bush, I'd be glad to vote for another four years of Shrub. Let's not be ridiculous here. Bush is a worthless prick, but at least he doesn't keep Laura covered up so no one can see the bruises from where he beat the shit out of her with a copy of the Koran last night. But politics truly makes for strange bedfellows, and when bin Laden's newest tape talks about the Patriot Act, about Bush sitting on his ass listening to a girl read a story about a goat while the nation was under attack, and how our security is ultimately up to us and not them, I've gotta wonder if we're really paying attention to this guy. Because we SHOULD. Yes, he's a psychotic murderous fuck and we should stomp on his dialysis machine and make him cry and stuff. Capital punishment? I'm there with the popcorn and a couple car batteries to hook his turban up to, boys and girls. Fuck him. But even Hannibal Lecter got a visit from a senator, because he may have been nuts, but he was NOT STUPID. You LISTEN to the asshole who is fucking with you. You don't have to like what he says, you can still shoot his ass afterwards if you simply must, but you still have to LISTEN. Becuase he's not the only one out there. In bin Laden's case, he's not even the only hundred million. The Bush administration's response to this tape is one of the most obvious indicators of why we need to kick these fuckers out of office tomorrow. They're IGNORING it, or turning it into a political issue agains their opponent. They called it "rhetoric" (they would know, I guess) and went back to pouncing on Kerry, who after all, is obviously a bigger threat.

If we want to truly take care of terrorism and security and making things better over there in Sand-Land, it might help if we KNEW WHO THE ENEMY WAS. And we do not. We just don't. We don't ask why they hate us, we pretend that they "hate freedom." Who hates freedom? S&M people? These people don't hate freedom. i've got news for you - most Arabs, like us, really just want to eat, shit, fuck, and not burn up or freeze their asses of in the meantime. And go to heaven and get the 72 virgins. But even Swaggart can relate to that. If bin Laden could get his hands on a decent DVD player, I bet he'd be glad to have it. I hear he's waiting for the new Harry Potter DVD to come out in a couple weeks. ("Oh, that magical little boy! Where's the explosives?") Let's not over-simplify these matters. Let's PAY ATTENTION to the concerns of this part of the world, work with the people who can be worked with, deal with the ones who can't, and have SOME level of honesty. Just a little bit. Because if we keep up with this us-and-them-freedom-hater horsehit, it's not going to end. Don't listen to what Bush tells you about bin Laden. Don't listen to what Kerry says about him. Listen to BIN LADEN HIMSELF and make up your mind, then listen to the other two assholes and figure out what they're saying. Unlike them, Bin Laden is actually pretty clear about where he's coming from. It's not hard to figure him out. Our security IS in our own hands as a country, and we better be paying some fucking attention.

Vote Kerry tomorrow.

Love,
Dougie