Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Republicans

Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Republicans

06.07.05 (7:54 pm)   [edit]
I'm in NO hurry for a serious relationship again, certainly not this soon after the divorce, but hey, I'm also certainly not looking forward to sitting alone in an apartment for the rest of my life, and I certainly would not want my ex to think I wouldn't understand HER desire not to be alone either, so I cooked up a bit of a profile on the Onion's personal pages. I also did one for match.com, but that place seems to be infested with WAY too many women into Jesus.

Here's part of my Onion profile:


Last great book I read

Hell's Angels by Hunter S. Thompson, one of the true great Americans.

Most humbling moment

Are you SURE you want to know how I got three stitches just below my left eye?

Favorite on-screen sex scene

Nearly anything with Tiffany Mynx. OK, I like porn. Hope that's not a problem.

Celebrity I resemble most

Sting. If you hit him really, really hard with a couple WMDs. Actually, I look a lot like Jack Black.

Best or worst lie I've ever told

"I didn't mean to turn you on."

If I could be anywhere at the moment

Making passionate love to a beautiful, intelligent, and deeply twisted woman who is deranged enough to like me too.

Song or album that puts me in the mood

Frank Zappa, One Size Fits All

The five items I can't live without

My unit. My ludicrous CD collection. My lithium. My daughter. My sense of humour.

Fill in the blanks

A brain is sexy;
A sense of humour is sexier

In my bedroom, you'll find

Me. Tied up with the hamsters ready and...uh...maybe we should talks about this later...


WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME

Because I most certainly will ruin your life in a way that
no other man possibly can.


MORE ABOUT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR

Someone who has a warped sense of humour, hates Bush a tenth as much as I do, likes weird music and art, understands why I despise religion so much, needs my hot blubbery lovin' at least seven times a day, and who won't get in the way of my relationship with my daughter, who is two hours away and I really am stupid for not being closer to her. OK, the bit about the hot blubbery lovin' is exaggerated, I grant you. Oh yeah, if you can listen to Bill Hicks bootlegs with me while drinking stout beer and eating chorizo, you might make me rethink my decision to never marry again.


So, ya think they'll be lining up for me, or what?

Dougie